What's RIGHT With Child Welfare in Utah

Cluster Facilitator Retreat

2011-04-12T19:58:00.000-06:00

Utah takes good care of its foster parents. Each year they have something called a Facilitator Retreat, (and it's all paid for) for those foster parents who are Cluster Facilitators.

Let me explain who these Cluster Facilitators are: First of all a 'Cluster' is a geographical grouping of foster parents (for instance those who live in Eagle Mountain and Saratoga Springs are in the Crossroads Cluster, those who live in Provo and Orem are in the Central cluster); sometimes it's a specialized group of foster parents (like those who are kinship caregivers, or adoptive families, or Level 3 caregivers). Secondly, a 'facilitator' is a volunteer licensed foster parent who leads this group; they set up trainings, they keep in touch with other families, the regional trainer and retention specialist through emails and websites, and they offer support to newer licensed foster parents.

Because of that spirit of volunteerism, once a year in April, the Utah Foster Care Foundation provides a 1 and 1/2 day retreat/training for those facilitators and their spouses. The hours spent in training count as hours towards re-licensing requirements.

Today I sat in the audience while two state program directors (Tonya Albornoz and Marty Shannon) spoke about recent Legislative updates and the new assessment tool which DCFS is instigating (called Child and Adolescent Needs and Strengths assessment (CANS) for better placement and treatment decisions). Both ladies were open to input and were articulate in the direction the Division was headed. The UFCF also brought in a currently licensed set of foster parents, and one of the state trainers to speak on their areas of expertise. We learned together, we laughed together, and it was all covered by the generosity of the UFCF.

The Art of Apologizing

2011-04-05T15:49:00.000-06:00

My two oldest girls, FiBo and MiChi (pronounced Mitchee) were asked to participate on a panel of teens to talk about their experiences before, during and after foster care. It was a training specifically for licensed foster parents and it's usually held 2-3 times a year.
I had planned to go with them until 15-20 min before they left; then my youngest, Juby decided she didn't want to go, so I was going to stay home with her. FiBo drives so she took herself and MiChi to American Fork (about 20 miles north of our home).
When they arrived home I asked how it went and I got the typical teen, "fine" from both of them and thought nothing of it...until a few days later when the two facilitators of the training emailed me asking for an 'in-person meeting'.
Hmmmmm.....
The facilitators both showed up solemn affects...they sat in my office and looked at each other. One said, 'we just have to say it'.

Now my mind is racing...what the heck could be so bad? They went on to explain about the poor manners of both girls. They talked about them monopolizing the conversation, one of them ripping up her name tent and tossing pieces of it at her sister, both of the girls having a private conversation in sign language and whispers and one of them telling parts of MY STORY which was not hers to tell.
I was embarassed...i knew my co-worker was in her office and probably heard most of this. I always brag about my girls so this was a tough report to hear. I also was mad and disappointed. Mad that parts of my story were told...without permission and without editing...and that I was disrespected by my own two girls about letting me babysit their babys (when they have them) because they don't trust me with them! What was THAT about?

I really didn't know what to say to these two young ladies...the two facilitators who made this specific appointment with me to tell me what a distraction my girls were, and probably really killed the spirit of the training with their antics...and also with MY TWO young ladies, who now needed a scolding and guidance.

As I drove home I said a little prayer. I wanted to be firm and serious, but I wanted to hear their point of view and make this a learning experience as well. FiBo had texted me about when I would be home...I texted her "Soon, and we have to talk." She asked "Is it serious?" and I replied "Yes.". (Later she told me that when she saw 'yes.' with a period after it, she knew it was serious! Kind of funny how little things like that make an impression)

I walked in the front door and both FiBo and MiChi were in the kitchen waiting for me. I mentioned that the two facilitators from their Teen Panel presentation last week met with me today. I asked them if they could figure out why they'd want to talk to me in person. Both replied that they didn't know. I then went down the list of things that the facilitators mentioned to me and they were quiet. Once or twice they said, 'we were just kidding!' (the part about not wanting me to babysit their kids), but I told them it wasn't received like they thought it was. I told them that apologies are going to be written to both facilitators. I have not had to really 'discipline' my 17 yr old in a long time (FiBo), so it was hard for her to hear my disappointment, and for her to admit she had poor judgment that night. I told them they probably won't sit on the same teen panels anymore, at least for a while....and when they do, I will be in attendance next time.

Simultaneously to this conversation, MiChi was getting ready to go to Las Vegas for a 3-day Choir field trip. I had to get her back to school by 3:00p...it was 2:40 as we were finishing up our conversation. FiBo sat in the living room and began her 45 min of reading (a normal after school requirement) and MiChi ran downstairs to get her things for her trip (which luckily she packed the night before). I leaned down to FiBo and hugged her head and kissed her forehead. I told her I love her and I'd be back in a few minutes.
MiChi wanted to drive. I let her. I was quiet during most of the trip back to Provo High. I didn't want to ruin MiChi's trip any more with a lecture. She must have apologized 3-4 times in the 3 mile drive. I told her, "let's forget about it for now. I want you to have a good time on your field trip." I squeezed her shoulder once or twice as she drove. When we got to the school, she said, 'Hey, let's take my first picture of the trip with me and you!". so, we posed together and she took the picture. She hugged me and skipped off with her things and I told her I loved her. Actually, she said it first, this time.

Sounds like a good place to end this story, but there is one more paragraph that needs to be told. About a week later, when emotions had settled, I had two cards sitting on the kitchen table when they got home from school. I reminded them that it's time to write their apology notes. They both sat down. One said, 'Can't we just call them and say we're sorry?" I said, "No, this is a good time to learn the art of apologizing." They both wrote their notes, when FiBo gave me hers to read I had to ask her to re-write most of it. Yes, she had said she was sorry for her behaviors, but she never listed what the behaviors were. I told her it is important to own your specific poor choices of that evening. She was not happy with me, but she did it. I re-read it and it was much better. They addressed the envelopes, stamped them and we mailed them the next morning.

Damn, it's hard to be a parent of teenagers. But you know what I think? I think they were just being teenagers! I think they were happy to be out without supervision, in a cool truck, sitting on a panel...probably showing off a little. I think they spoke without thinking (teen girls that speak without thinking is pretty normal, right?!!?) and never thought that they were being perceived so poorly. I love my girls very much. Sometimes I just want to hold and cuddle them forever. And just to keep this all in perspective...I get way more good reports about them, than reports like this. I just had to tell you, though...

A Good Laugh!

2011-01-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

So, i walk in the door from church today and my 17 yr old jumps up, meets me at the door, hugs me and says "it took you long enough!" (to get home). And I feel quite loved. Then I ascend the stairs and she asks me what is in the glass in the bathroom? I said, I didn't know. (I am now in my bedroom to change from Sunday dress to jeans).
"Is it beer?", one of them shouts to me...
"NO !".
"Is it urine?", the other one shouts...
"NO!",
"Well, it's the color of beer and urine, what's in it, we can't figure it out?! And it kinda smells like urine..."

I exit my room, peek into the bathroom as I walk towards them...
These girls know I am a Diet Coke fanatic. Yet this thought never occured to them. I guess it's more fun to think of what wild idea it could have been. And I smile as I mentally picture them sniffing the glass, maybe one daring the other to take a sip. HA!

I explaned that I had poured a glass of Diet Coke this morning while I was doing a little bit (a very little bit) of makeup and I had left the glass with a small amount of Diet Coke and some ice in the bathroom...the ice melted so it was a goldish color instead of brown like undiluted Diet Coke! Then in unison, my 15 and 17 yr old sighed, "Ohhhhhhhh!"

Oh yeah, I had a good laugh over that one! Then I went in to the bathroom, picked up the glass, took back the first answer and said, "you were right, it is urine, I was doing a pregnancy test. (and I gulped it down)."
Then in unison, "GROOOSSSSSSSS!" Another good laugh.
I love teenagers!

TeenAgers!

2011-01-28T11:38:00.001-07:00

For some reason our family has been the focus of three articles in two newspapers (the Provo Daily Herald and the Salt Lake Deseret News) in the last four months (including the third one, yesterday, 1-27-11)! This most recent article was to bring to Utah's attention that TEENAGERS are often overlooked when it comes to both fostering needs and permanency (adoption).

Some stereotypes I've heard about TEENS in foster care are: bad influence, criminals, perpetrators, trouble makers, truancy problems...just the tip of the iceberg. But what many fail to realize is that some of these TEENS did not enter the system as TEENAGERS, they entered while they were in elementary school (both of my teens fall into this category) and for a variety of reasons have not been able to find permanency either at home, with a relative, or with a foster family. Many of these kids enter the system because they have been abused and neglected (both of mine).

I was told just last week, by a caseworker who specializes in TEENS (TS) that 52% of our kids in custody, in the Western Region of Utah today are ages 14 and older (up to age 20). That is a sad story. Again, the two of mine were in that percentage until July (for Aubrianna) and Nov 2010 (for Sophie)when I offered permanency to them, through adoption.

I say it's a sad story because many new foster families only want little children; many would prefer ages 0-2 years...but let me list some of the benefits of having TEENAGERS:
1- no diaper changing
2- no waking up at god-forsaken hours during the night
3- they do their own laundry
4- you have live-in babysitters!
5- they bathe themselves and do their own hair
6- many know how to and enjoy cooking and baking
7- they can help you program and then re-program cell phones, remotes, dvr's, etc!
8- they sing in the truck
9- they help you remember to use your turn signal...all the time.
10- they can be dropped off at the mall and you can go to lunch with your spouse or friends!
11- they make fun of you when you listen to classic rock, or wear 'comfortable' shoes instead of trendy shoes.
12- they are real competition in Scrabble and card games
13- they will still cuddle with you (now and then) while watching tv
14- they come home totally frustrated with a friend who is now their enemy, and they want to know if I would be mad at them if they got suspended for fighting! (ooops, that shouldn't be on this list...)

I LOVE TEENAGERS!! Of course I know that not all TEENS will be funloving and responsible all the time...I wasn't, and my girls are not either. As a matter of fact, my 15 yr old asked me just last night 'why'd you do drugs when you were a teenager?' (heavy sigh)

Yes, they get mad at me, and mad at each other...and a few 'f' bombs have been dropped, and hair has been died black (with permission, you have to pick your battles, right?) and doors have been slammed and broken, but those moments are short lived and fewer and far between as the months progress.

They want what we all want: to belong. Please consider TEENAGERS as you contemplate fostering and or fostering towards adoption. Check out the Utah Foster Care Foundation website if you're in Utah: www.utahfostercare.org

TRUST YOUR MOTHER

2010-10-20T23:35:00.000-06:00

A week ago the four of us went to meet our new Primary Care Physician. My 17 yr old daughter, Aubrianna, wanted a female doctor and didn't want to go to her pediatrician anymore. I found someone I thought she'd like. I made appointments for three of us to get our FLU shots, two of them to get their Gardasil shot, and all of us to meet the doctor.

As my 11 yr old (Aubri's youngest sibling) sat on the paper covered exam bed, her anxiety began to grow. She began to whine and hold/cover her upper arms with her own hands. I thought she was kidding. I may even have verbally reprimanded her. But as the nurse approached my youngest girl with the needle, Aubri stood up and stood right in front of her little sister. She leaned in and they touched foreheads. Aubri held her hands and told her to "just look at me, it'll be over in a minute". Even though her sister whined and tried to pull away from the nurse, Aubrianna knew just what to do. She was comforting and attentive and motherly. I, on the other hand, sat and watched and soaked it in. Yes, I was a little embarassed that I didn't think to do that. But my embarassment turned to awe as I saw my daughter (who has been her sisters mom for close to 11 years) nurture and calm her sister.

I've heard many caseworkers and even therapists recommend that siblings be separated if there are 'parenting issues' or if one of the children is 'parentified'. They say things like, 'it's in the oldest childs best interest', 'it will give them a chance to be a kid'. But my oldest daughter has only lived with me a year and a day...the trust is growing, but it's not at it's pinacle yet. She has a decade more parenting experience than I do (sadly for both of us) and her little sister TRUSTS her. That is the real point, isn't it?

When I earn the trust of my girls, I will be earning the title of MOTHER. As I learn the skills of mothering, I will earn the title of MOM. Oh, yeah...

I'm so proud....

2010-10-20T23:08:00.000-06:00

The past two nights my girls have shared parts of their stories with both 'potential' foster parents (those still in training and waiting for their background checks) and tonight, with licensed foster parents. They share funny stories about things happening in our lives and they share the sad, scary and abusive stuff that happened to them before they came into states custody, as well as the culture-shocky experiences as they transitioned from home to home.
Why did these girls come to my home? We have such an interesting history which goes back five years. Why are their parents willing to have a relationship with me? Why is it getting so comfortable between us all? What does God have planned for us?
My girls are SURVIVORS! Every child who enters the foster care system has survived abuse and neglect serious enough to be removed from their caregivers. Yet they are blessed with talents, intelligence, wisdom, articulate expression, humor and many other gifts. I love them today more than I did yesterday; and I can hardly wait till tomorrow!

Farewell to Kelly Glasser ....Guardian ad Litem

2010-08-02T10:34:00.000-06:00

Kelly and her husband Joe died in a tragic kayaking accident in Utah over the weekend. I didn't know much about her on a personal level but I worked with her for many years as she represented DCFS children who are in foster care. She had a carefree laugh and along with her long, loose, curly hair those two things symbolized her attitude about life.

Kelly also represented my two daughters in court just weeks ago; they have been on her caseload since the day they entered care 5 years ago. I will have to share with them, today also, of our great loss.

"Guardian ad Litem" is a Latin term meaning, 'Guardian of the child'...she did it in her profession of attorney, and I'm positive she will continue in this work on the other side. May God bless with comfort her family and friends during this unexpected loss (and recovery). I love you Kelli.

Adoption Day

2010-08-01T20:28:00.000-06:00

The morning of our adoption, Aubrianna and I decided we didn't have a thing to wear! We rushed to the mall and we both found something we liked. We get home with about 90 minutes to get ready...and really that was plenty of time. Then the phone rings: it's Aubrianna's mom and she wants a ride to the court house to be there during the adoption! I was glad she decided to attend; "Of course we can pick you up!", I declared. On the way to court, we had time for a short ten or fifteen minute discussion about Aubrianna's birth (she weighed 6 lb 7 oz and was 18 1/2" long), her first word (mommy), her age when she walked (12 months). I never would have known these things if I had not cultivated a relationship with her. Even though there are days I am jealous of her (yes, it's true)...today was not one of those days. Today was all about Aubri gaining a forever family. I will be that for her.

Many friends joined us at the courthouse that afternoon. We videotaped a little bit, we took some pictures...small congratulatory gifts were exchanged. By 2:30 we were in the court room. I've known this judge about 15 years. She had me introduce everyone in the room; I proudly did so.

About mid-way through the quiet time of the judge reading the post-adoptive report, I heard crying behind me. It was Aubri's mom; I knew this would be tough for her. I handed her a box of Kleenex. I grasped her hand and squeezed it. Then I had to hug her. I whispered, 'thank you' to her and she whispered the same thing back to me. We held each other tight for maybe 30 seconds. It wouldn't be the only time she would cry today....

See, about 3 years ago when Aubrianna's mom signed away her parental rights she was not in a very healthy place in life. She did not have a permanent place to live or a regular income; but her life today was different. She's had the same job for 30 months,and she's lived in the same apartment for 15 months. That is enough to show me that she is maturing and settling down. She is not a safety risk to her/my/OUR girls.

The next court activity was to bang the gavel and declare the adoption legal. The judge has an oversized gavel especially for adoption days. My soon-to-be daughter took the gavel in both hands (it's about 3 feet long) and banged it on the wooden block and declared "My new name is Aubrianna Lynnea Zelenak". Pictures were snapped, those in attendance clapped and smiled. The judge asked if anyone else would like to hit the gavel and the first one up was Aubri's mom.

Initially, I thought, she wants to be funny, so she's gonna hit the gavel. But as I thought about it, I don't think that's what she 'planned' to do. I don't think 'funny' had anything to do with it. I think she wanted to tell me that she also approves of this adoption and her hitting the gavel on the block was to say, "I approve and accept this decision". That was the most supportive thing she could have done. I wonder if Aubrianna thought this?

We couldn't take Aubri's birth mom home because we had celebratory plans at Red Lobster. I thought about her a lot that day and evening hoping she was emotionally okay.

I also didn't just adopt Aubrianna that day, I adopted more than that, I adopted her history, her culture, her ancestors. We are all linked. If you can picture the grafting of a healthy branch into a healthier tree, well, that's one way to look at it. But what I did, was to cut her family tree vertically down to include her roots and we are grafting that into the trunk of my tree. Her roots will mingle with mine and we will grow as a family - two families, to begin with.... :)

It's a Girl!

2010-06-30T21:48:00.000-06:00

I can hardly believe I haven't posted my adoption announcement yet! I'm due on: July 20th at 2:00pm and it's a girl! She's 5 weeks from being 17 yrs old. She is an avid reader and she LOVES Michael Jackson! This week she got her learners permit! We figured out just today that it will be 9 months and 1 day since she moved in with me, that the adoption will take place. I ordered the 'it's a girl' announcements and they should be here within 2 weeks. Watch your mail! One benefit I'm really looking forward to after the adoption, is POSTING PICTURES! We're not allowed to do that while our kids are still in foster care...it's a safety/confidentiality issue.

My parents are thrilled to be able to dote on another grand daughter! My brother is going to be an 'uncle' for the first time. I turned 50 last week and I'm going to be a mother for the first time!

My 'daughter-to-be' wants to invite her birth mom to our adoption. I hope she'll come. As long as she remains healthy, she can be as active a part in our life as my (our) daughter wants her to be.

One Step Closer to Oprah...

2010-06-30T21:26:00.000-06:00

I've emailed the Oprah people at least twice in the past 2 years about an amazing story of two ladies; in the hopes they'd be guests and share their story. I also emailed the editor of Wasatch Woman magazine in August 2009. Last week she called me and wanted to know more about the idea I had for their article "Families That Work" to come out this coming August. After a couple of calls and emails the appointment was set up to meet with A. and S. (the two ladies who share their story of forgivenes and co-parenting after beating the odds of hate and anger). The writer assigned is named Jamie, she's a freelance writer.

We're all excited to see the story, even tho' it was only allocated 600 words. I asked her to ask her editor for another 600, to really do the story some justice. We'll see. I told her I also planned to send her story to Oprah, and to "make it good!"

I've got the third draft of a screenplay completed (telling this same story) but I'm stuck. I have no literary agent and don't know where to proceed from here. Maybe the Wasatch Woman article will get us one step closer to BIG TIME publicity! Maybe one of you readers will be able to steer me in the right direction?

The Inner Conflict of Name Changing at Adoption

2010-06-03T11:21:00.000-06:00

My most recent placement is a 15 yr old girl, 1/2 polynesian 1/2 white. She has not had a lot of extended family interaction in the past couple of years. She moved into my home the first week of May (1 month today, actually!) and we've visited her mom 4 times, and her dad 2x...she's played a family football game and been to a big brothers high school graduation party.

She was moved to my home specifically to be adopted because for the past 4 years no one else would legally commit to her. I'm committing. So, she talks to me now and then about not wanting to change her last name to mine, because hers is Samoan...it is her culture; she LOOKS LIKE her last name. And I would say to her, "okay, that's fine. There's no law that says you HAVE TO take my last name when I adopt you."

A few nights ago, when she returned from a family football game, she said, "it felt so good to be surrounded by my family, I thought 'this is my family'". I could feel the comfort in her voice. Upon my daughters return, I met an Auntie of hers, a woman who obviously loves and adores my girl...I welcomed her into our home and we visited a while. She almost was crying because I trusted her to take my girl for a visit and trusted her to bring her back. Sometimes you just get a feeling about people, dontcha? This lady is the goods. She looks you in the eye when she talks to you, she DID pick up and drop off on time. I am more apt to say 'sure, take her again!' when the opportunity arises. And the cousins!!! So many cousins!!! LOL!

Last night she told me she would like to hyphenate our two names when it comes time to be adopted, to keep her own and to add mine. I asked her why she wants to do that and she said, 'i want to feel like I belong to your family'. Wow...that was brave and insightful of her. I told her whatever she decides, I'll support.

It also will not be surprising if we have this conversation 15 more times before mid-November...which is when we'd like to finalize the adoption. I can not imagine what I would have felt when I was 15 and had a decision like this in front of me. My girls are amazing survivors...tough little gals with big hearts and big conflicts...'which family do I belong to?' 'can I belong to more than one?'

A Truely Family Friendly Employer

2010-05-26T11:21:00.000-06:00

Just a public thank you to my immediate boss, Mick, and our CEO, Kelly for approving my request to work from home during June, July and August while 'my girls' are out of school. This will allow me to not only be a more hands-on parent for them, but to do some of the many other mom-duties needed during the summer ("can you take us to the pool today?", "we want to go to the library!", "I don't want to ride my bike to work today..." and on and on, right?)

Thank you UTAH FOSTER CARE FOUNDATION for your flexibility with my single parenting of these great girls!

OMG- She Really Can Sing!!

2010-05-26T10:57:00.000-06:00

The newest addition to our family is 15 yrs old. She has been in Bella Voce (an advanced choir group)at Orem Jr High (in Utah) her 9th grade year. She wanted to audition for the Advanced Women's choir at her new high school. We met the Provo High choir teacher (Mrs Garrett) at an end-of-year choir BBQ last week. Yesterday, 5-25-10 at 4:20p she auditioned and was accepted as an alto, in that Advanced Women's choir! I was so proud of her for her bravery and confidence (both of which she argues with me that she has none of...). So, less than a minute after returning to my truck as we're pulling out of the high school parking lot, she asks, "Can I call my mom?" I said, handing her my cell phone, 'of course you can!'.

Then she shared the news with her mom...she excitedly shared the play-by-play of her audition, ending with, "And she told me right there that: I'm IN!!" then she called 'grandma' (my mom), repeating almost verbatim the first story. During both calls she had a big smile on her face (which I interpreted as the praise from both of these great ladies).

I wish I had the money to rent a piano for her. She plays and writes songs besides being a singer. AND...she wants to try out for softball and volleyball next fall! Why would anyone NOT want to foster/adopt a teen??

Now I'm Having A Good Day!

2010-05-26T10:52:00.001-06:00

It was the culmination of a season of Celebrity-Apprentice-watching with my 16 yr old. The contest ended last Sunday night with a 2 hr live showing, hosted by 'the Donald'...about 10pm. And all season we were rooting for one of 3 singer celebrities. Our man (Brett Michaels) WON! And the first words out of her mouth were: YES! (visualize a fist pump here!) Now, I'm having a good day!! And I just had to laugh to myself. We had already had a really fun Sunday...but when Brett won Celebrity Apprentice, that was the icing on her Sunday cake! Teens are awesome, aren't they?

A New Addition...

2010-05-17T23:27:00.001-06:00

She is 15years old. She is experiencing grief and loss...as she transitions from what was promised to be an adoptive, forever family...but turned into just another pit stop on the way to my home. She is angry: she is also in an anger management group for about 6 weeks...3 days a week. I don't blame her for feeling angry...she's been rejected again. And from what she's told me, she's been in a strict living environment, run by a German grandmother, not really by the foster mom.

As I dropped her off at school one day this week, I said, 'see you at quattro!", she said, 'why do you speak spanish, you're white?!"...with a little animosity. Then later, when I was picking her up from anger mgmt group, as she got into the truck, I pointed out the sneakers of one of the girls and said, "i love those sneakers!" and she said, 'what kind of people look at other people's feet?" She is angry with the system, her caseworker, her last foster mom who wouldn't give her a forever home, and with me for offering to give her a forever home. This little gal is conflicted. I really feel for her.

It is a prayer of mine that I will be a positive influence in her life. I will be a grafted-in branch of her family tree. I will support her relationships with her siblings and her birth parents, as long as it's safe, and I can almost assure safety in any visit I am supervising. Not that I am fool-proof, but I understand that safety is relative, especially in regards to relatives.

I love teenagers! God bless teenagers! Especially the ones in my house....

A Sweet 90 minutes! (our Mother's Day visit)

2010-05-17T23:13:00.000-06:00

A sweet 90 minutes...that's what the visit was with the birth mom of two of my girls. I went in alone at first, to remind their birth mom of appropriate behavior and conversation. Nothing inappropriate EVER came up. As soon as the girls walked in to her apartment the three of them hugged and held on to each other for about a full minute. I took a picture that I will cherish forever. I gave a copy to each of the girls and made a 5x7 which is framed in our living room. We gave their birth mom the pictures we took of all the siblings, she loves them. There was soda and treats and a balloon fight, feline games and snuggling on the couch, reminiscing. 90 minutes of sweetness. I do not regret that visit. I am proud of the girls and their mom for their open hearts. There is a love in this relationship that I will never know, a deep, loyal love that only is known and shared between by a birth parent and her children.
I am hoping I gave this family a forever memory. I want to have openness in this upcoming adoption; if it will be safe for the girls they deserve root-full connections.
May God continue to bless the Utah foster care system.

It's almost Mother's Day....and I'm choosing worms.

2010-04-27T23:26:00.001-06:00

The second Sunday in May is for remembering our mothers. I am working hard to re-introduce 'my girls' to their birth mom. She lives less than 2 miles from where we live. I visited with her last Sunday to take a couple of pictures of her; and to talk with her about what she'd like to see for her girls. I emailed the caseworker of the two girls (two sisters) in my home asking for permission to take their mom out for a Mother's Day lunch, with her girls.

The girls and I are going to meet with their brothers this weekend to take more pictures, so I can frame them and have them give it to their mom for Mother's Day. Their mom has had the same job for 27 months, and lived in the same home for a year now. I will be with the girls during any visits we have and I will remind their birth mom not to talk 'big people talk' with them, or to bad-mouth their dads. Other than that, it should go just fine...
A couple of weeks ago the caseworker expressed concern to me about my wanting to do this, she said 'You'll be opening a can of worms'. But, roots are more important than worms, and I can clean up the worms I release...but I won't be able to look my girls in the eyes, as the years go by, to tell them why I never encouraged them to have a relationship with their mother. So, I'm choosing the worms (if there really are any). Anyway, worms live around roots, don't they? It kinda comes with the territory!
And I can hardly wait to see them together on Mother's Day. Their mom deserves it and her (our) girls do, too.

Staying Stuck

2010-04-23T12:38:00.000-06:00

Last Friday was 'early out' day for my 10 yr old. I asked her if she wanted to run some errands with me before her sister got home (it's always nice to spend one on one time with her). We headed out to the truck and I got in and buckled up; then she jumped into the passenger seat and buckled up. Now, I need to share a little bit of history with you. Normally, she rides in the back because the sign on my visor says 'children under 12 may be killed by airbag deployment'...or something like that. So the rule in our house is: Until your 13th b-day, you sit in the back seat. She has never tested this before today. So, I thought, 'Don't get bent out of shape over this, Nance. Just calmly remind her of the rule.' So, I did.

ME: "Dear, you need to sit in your seat, remember?"
HER: "No, I want to sit up here with you, today. PLEASE?"
ME: "Sorry, kiddo. The rule is, not till you're 13. Go on, jump in back."
HER: "Come on Nancy, PLEEEEEEASE?"
ME: "We'll just sit here in the garage, until you sit in your seat." and I turned the radio on
HER: "Fine!" (as in, 'i'm fine sitting here in the garage listening to the radio')

We sit there, we talk, we sing a few lyrics...and she asks:

HER: "So are we going, or what?"
ME: "As soon as you buckle up in the back."
HER: (pause) "Fine....(this time it's the 'Fine, I give up, I'll move to the back.')

She unbuckles from the front. I have bucket seats in the front of my truck so she begins to squish her behind through the seats into the back (remember she is only 10 and she is quite petite). She slips down between the seat and the middle console where the bottom 1/2 of her legs still lay.

HER: "I'm stuck!!!"
ME: "No, you're not, come on, now, get up."
HER: "I can't I'm stuck."
ME: "Please pull yourself up and get into your seat." (i'm starting to get pissed off)
HER: "No, really, I'm stuck, help me."

We have already wasted precious Friday afternoon minutes on this topic; and for some reason, my normally cool demeanor began to bubble up. So, I unbuckle, and I get out of the truck.

ME: "I'm not going to argue with you about this. I'm going to sit in the back and when you pull yourself out, let me know, and we'll go."

I close my door and I immediately hear her begin to wail.

HER: "Naaannncccyy?! I'm STUUUCCCKKK!" and she's crying.

I ignore her...2 minutes....5 minutes....

HER: "Naannnncccyyy!! Pllleeeaaaasssseeee, help!!!" wailing....

I ignore her...8 minutes now....and I'm thinking, "JUST PULL YOURSELF UP!"
10 minutes....and I can't wait it out any longer.

I open the front door of my truck. I don't even have time to say anything. She reaches up to hold the top of the two bucket seats and pulls herself up. I am really mad that she has wasted all of this time over where she's gonna sit in the damn truck! Playing these control games with me. And she's sobbing...trying to catch her breath, type of crying. I just don't get it.

ME: "Why did you choose to stay stuck, when you knew all along how to get out?!"
(As soon as those words came out of my mouth I was furious with myself)
HER: "I guess I just wanted you close."

Oh man...she wanted me close for support? Maybe. Why did I make this such a big deal to begin with? BECAUSE I HAVE CONTROL ISSUES!!!

Foster parenting is showing me how big of an issue that is. Now, to give myself a break, I've lived alone for about 8 years prior to my being a foster parent. And, I've NEVER been a mother before 7 months ago...and I'm 49 yrs old. So, this is a sharp learning curve for me.

So, how did this end? I sat in the back seat. We talked. I hugged her, I kissed her head and we ran our errands and the evening was fine; zero problems. But this phrase that came out of my mouth has been in the forefront of my mind ever since. I have been quite introspective about where I'm 'stuck' myself, and why am I choosing to stay there? Any thoughts?

Teenage Affection

2010-03-22T20:22:00.000-06:00

On Saturday last, my 16 yr old, for the first time in almost six months of living with me, scrunched down under my arm as we sat on the couch visiting with my parents. I could hardly believe she was allowing me to show affection to her in this way! The next day she did the same thing at church!

This young lady was the mom in her family for a number of years. She hardly ever allows herself to be a kid...and it was the first time she actually let me be a nurturing adult to her. It felt good for me, too! I thought it took a lot of courage for her to show me she was willing to sit close to me. To me she was saying: I trust you, I like you, I feel safe with you (maybe I'm reading more into it than was meant, but that's what I heard during these non-verbal conversations). What a brave survivor I have living in my home.

I learn so much from these kids....

Sharing Expertise in Nancy's Pre Service Trainings

2010-03-09T11:20:00.001-07:00

I am very grateful to the DCFS staff, the Office of Licensing staff, birth parents, adopted children and the licensed foster families who attend my classes to share their life experiences (and expertise) to our families in training. I have folks come to at least 4 classes a month to share in first person terms, what I can not. They bring depth, humor and pertinent information to all who hear their messages. Their willingness to share sometimes painful memories shows their strength of character and hopefulness of soul. Many of the staff have to flex their time to work during an evening, to come to my class, when they could be home with their families doing laundry or vegetating in front of American Idol... :)

I don't think it would offend anyone if I told you who I am specifically referring to: So, in alphabetical order, I want to publicly thank:

Rebecca, DA and Anja Anderson, foster/adoptive family
Brandy Anderson, birth parent
Kari Broderick, foster/adoptive family
Joy & Robert Brough, and their children, adoptive family
Aymee Condie, DCFS Caseworker, foster/adoptive/kinship family
Jeanne Finefeuiaki, Office of Licensing
Jessica Hannemann, UFCF Retention Specialist
Trish Jensen, RFC Supervisor at DCFS, adopted
Ami Monsen, foster/adoptive family
Jenn Quigley, Office of Licensing
Shawn & Portia Rapier, adoptive dad
John and Caycee Thill, UFCF, foster/adoptive family
Stevoni Wells-Doyle, birth parent
Christy Tucket,birth parent

It is very rewarding to work with such generous people. I know that not all areas of Utah have the unique working relationships we do in the Western Region of the state and because I'm thinking about these people today, I wanted you to know it, too.

Utah Foster Care Foundation

2010-03-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

Utah Foster Care Foundation

Don't Be Afraid of Teens - Part 2 :)

2010-02-27T18:43:00.000-07:00

The second biggest news is that I found a substitute for my Heber City class so that I could attend an inservice training at the Provo Library!

But the BIGGEST news is that my 16yr old was on a 4 person panel, at this training, talking about what it's like to be a teen in foster care and sharing her experiences being in foster care. She was brave and silly and articulate. She's my hero!

I am grateful for the Utah Foster Care Foundation for at least two things today:
ONE- they know the importance of finding families to foster teen-agers and
TWO- they arranged this opportunity for two REAL LIFE teens in foster care to show our licensed families that not all teens are trouble makers, losers, unadoptable, criminals or threats to their kids.

Both of the girls who were on the panel were honest and with different experiences and different goals.

Just like the teens in YOUR neighborhood, you'll find the gammet of interests, skills, motivation, music preferences, intelligence, friendliness, silliness, seriousness and resiliency. Why don't you look into the opportunity to move into our neighborhood, the FOSTER CARE neighborhood.

Don't Be Afraid of Teen-Agers! -- Part 1

2010-02-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

Later this week, on Feb 28th, a special panel presentation is going to be held at the Provo Library for already licensed foster parents who don't yet take teenagers. It's called "The Impact of Fostering Older Youth"; dinner will be Panda Express for all in attendance; the cost of that is being covered by the Utah Foster Care Foundation. The objective: to recruit more families to foster teens.

So, there are three teens on the panel, at least one is currently in foster care (my 16 yr old) and a couple of foster parents who already take teenagers, will also be on the panel. In preparation for my youth to present, we drew up a timeline of life events that she would be comfortable sharing. This was a great time for me to learn a lot more about her. And she happened to be in the mood to share. I am so impressed with her survivability, her candor, and her vulnerability. We talked about her having the right to say, "I don't feel comfortable talking about that." if something is asked that she doesn't want to share. Currently, I'm scheduled to train a class in Heber City that same night and I would much rather be at the Provo Library, supporting her. Suffice it to say, I'm going to try to find a substitute trainer.

The UFCF (Utah Foster Care Foundation) is sponsoring the event. It is in answer to a desperate request from DCFS (Division of Child and Family Services) to help them recruit more foster homes who will take kids 14-18 yrs old. In Utah, more than 25% of children currently in custody are between those ages. This is a population who is often overlooked by families with young children, thinking that the older kids will hurt the younger ones. This is a population who, too often, leave state custody without a family, without a place to go 'home' to for holidays, and without emotional support during the tough days life will surely bring. This is a group of kids labeled as trouble-makers, just because of their chronological age or their 'foster' status. But they too, are the victims of abuse or neglect, which initially brought them into DCFS custody.

But, it is our job (as Utah social workers) to clarify who these kids really are. Yes, there are kids who make bad choices (truancy, smoking, shop-lifting, promiscuity), some of them are in foster care, most are not! There are kids in foster care who also make really wise choices and set good examples for younger kids and go on to higher education, stable employment, church service, military service, and healthy parenthood. So, we gather these kids to sit on a panel and say, "Look at us! We're typical teens! We're not scary! We won't hurt your children! We can program your DVD player! We can do our own laundry! Be OUR forever family!"

I'll update you on Friday, after the Thursday night panel. Look for Part 2, then.

That's What It's All About!

2010-02-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

Remember the Hokey Pokey? You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about?! You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about! It was so much fun to do that at a roller skating rink, when I was a kid and 'tween... now we play a kind of Hokey Pokey in the child welfare system...and when everyone plays nice, we all win! Cool game right?
Let me tell you what has happened recently: my littlest girl, age 7 has been home for 19 days so far, on a trial home visit with her daddy and his fiance and their other children. I'll refer to my 7 yr old as "Angel", just so I don't have to keep writing 'my 7 yr old' :)

19 days ago, dad's fiance and Angel's brother, "Angel 2",pulled up into my driveway and Angel 2 jumped out carrying a big beautiful purple flowering plant and he handed it to me as dad's fiance said, 'we just want to thank you for taking care of Angel until today'. We talked a little and loaded Angel's things into her families truck and off they drove. The plant sits on my kitchen table. I've taken a picture of it to keep forever. About 2 weeks later I received one of the nicest emails I have ever received, from dad's fiance. I want to share part of it here:

"Dear Nancy,
...Angel is doing really well. She has come so far again since she has come home. She hasn't wet the bed since the night we brought her home for good. She is no longer wearing pull ups. She is in her new school...she seems to be enjoying it a lot. She loves to ride the bus. The bus picks her up right in front of our house and she is so independent she doesn't want mom or dad to walk her out! ... It's so funny to watch her now as she will run to her dad and jump in his arms to be hugged before bed. It's such a wonderful picture to see [daddy] and her together. This was something I just didn't believe would ever happen. Thank you so much for helping in making this come true....She is truly a special spirit and I'm so grateful she is back with us. She makes everyday special with just her smile alone...Thank you again for all that you have done to bring Angel back to us. I hope and pray that we will always be friends. [dad's fiance]

Now for the Hokey Pokey part: Parents who have temporarily lost their right to parent their children for abuse, neglect or other reasons, have responsibilities to do, to show the court they've made positive changes in their life and they deserve to parent their children again. Usually, it's not more than 4-6 parenting related goals. I never even saw what this parent's goals were. We never discussed them in our Child and Family Team meetings (which are held monthly, which is AWESOME!) However, some parents call these "responsibilities" by other names/phrases: "jumping through hoops", "bureacratic red tape", "bull shit", among other things, and "the dance". I like 'the dance' best because for me it means two willing parties who both have to move...if they can move in rhythm, the dance progresses nicely, as in the case of Angel, her daddy, his fiance and I. We were able to extend hands of respect to each other (put the right foot in), share important information about Angel back and forth (put the right foot out), keep in regular contact for visits (put the right foot in), as the foster parent I concientiously sat on their side of the court room when we reviewed Angel's case (and shake it all about). We took turns transporting Angel to various appointments (you do the Hokey Pokey), and we vented about case issues we were unhappy with, with each other (and you turn yourself around), and we ultimately built a realtionship (that's what it's all about!).
I have no doubts or concerns today, that this family and I will remain friends. I have become a branch in Angel's family tree, it's a skinny, little branch, but I'm there forever! That is an exceptionally rewarding thought.

Foster Care Reimbursement Going Down??

2010-02-04T11:42:00.000-07:00

I've been around the child welfare world in Utah a pretty long time, but not as long as others. The 2010 Legislature is in session. The big talk in the child welfare system is that "they'll be voting to cut reimbursement rates this month!" Let me add, for a second year in a row. AND not only reimbursement rates, but there's an unspoken "hiring freeze" within Human Services as well. Which means caseworkers have ever-growing caseloads. (But that part of the problem is not what I am addressing in this blog, today).
I wish three or four legislatures would take the challenge of becoming a foster family. I would bet my home that those legislatures would have an incredible positive influence on the increase of services (including financial reimbursement) for this vulnerable popuation within their first year of having these kids in their home.
I called a few KENNELS across the Wasatch Front; (and I encourage you to check this out yourself)...to check on the daily rate these kennels get for caring for cats and dogs. I was blown out of the water when I heard that the ranges are $25, $30, $45 (and higher) a day while Utah foster parents get an average of $15, $17, $19 a day to care for our abused and neglected children. News articles have appeared in the past in many papers or on a number of tv news shows that inform us that reimbursement rates are going down and that Utah is already WAY BELOW many other states in this area. We are a child friendly state. We love children in Utah. We love service opportunities in Utah. BUT REALLY FOLKS??
I'm an animal lover, too. I would never abuse/neglect an animal. I believe we should protect populations who can not protect themselves (animals, disabled people, the elderly, and abused/neglected children) and I do not think we should pay LESS for the care of our animals while housed and cared for in a kennel.
I'm proposing a REIMBURSEMENT RAISE for our Utah foster families. I'm proposing that a few currently serving legislatures get licensed to be a foster family and THEN create some helpful bills to keep Utah on the cutting edge of Child Welfare services.
I want to know who the FREAKING IDIOT is who thinks foster families are making money each month as they care for thes kids. As a foster parent, I am almost paying out more each month than I am reimbursed by the state. I'm doing this because I want to be a parent and I want to reunite families if at all possible. But I am not independently wealthy enough to PAY OUT MONEY FOR HELPING FAMILIES.

We need to show families in Utah that we value them for volunteering to take in abused or neglected children; to take them to their therapy appointments, their family visits, court appointments, to deal with night terrors, rages, oppositional defiance, to balance their time with their biological or adopted children with these new foster children, and even to mentor birth parents. It's a tough job. I'm building enduring relationships. I'm learning so much about my parenting abilities. But I can not afford to PAY FOR this opportunity. Most can not afford to pay for this parenting challenge/opportunity.

DON'T CUT REIMBURSEMENT RATES. Let Utah remain a national leader in child welfare and build our reputation of having awesome family services. There must be a way. I'm offering to participate on a panel/board to find answers. USE ME!!

I Know, I Know - I'm Only Human, But Still....

2010-01-14T09:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning was horrible. I'm writing about it because I have to purge myself of this guilty burden; and in my prayers I've found a little space for self-forgiveness; and you have to know that foster parenting is damn hard.
Here's the scenario: I'm watching TODAY to catch up on current events and have a little bit of quiet-me-time before the day begins. I watch the clock tick time away and think 'i gotta get the girls up'. Now, when I say 'the girls', it's just the youngest two (ages 7 & 10) because the older two are gone to school already. But, there was a huge earthquake in Haiti, and I can not bring myself to move away from the news. So, i sit there. And, I sit there....now, we gotta rush.
I go downstairs and turn on their light and say, "Okay, let's go! Get up! Get dressed! We gotta move!"
Moans from under the covers...."I'm tired..." from under the covers....
So, because I selfishly relaxed and took my time to wake up and WHATEVER....now I have to rush these two kids; and one of them is going cross country skiing with her class today...and she should be happy and excited. But, I threw in a parenting control issue to top off the mad rush of the morning. So, as she's falling out of bed with her quilt wrapped around her, I say "Wear one of these turtle neck shirts to go skiing." and the whining begins.... "I don't wanna wear that." and I pull that parent-control-thingy out and I say, "You will wear a turtle neck shirt or you won't go and you can go to work with me, instead." (As soon as I said it, I thought, "Really Nancy, let her pick out her own clothes! NO! I argued with myself in split second time...She has to dress for the activity or she'll be miserable.) and the war was now in full swing.

Now the littlest one has decided that she is not going to get dressed at all. She is standing in the room stark naked screaming "I'm cold!" and I say 'Put on some clothes", and she just screams "I'm cold!" Okay, my frustration cup is over-flowing. I opened her underwear drawer, pulled out some panties, an undershirt and a pair of socks and i threw them at her...and I said, "Put these on." and she screamed "OW! You hurt me!".... The ten year old is whining "Please Nancy, don't make me wear that! PLEASE!" And she starts to cry. I walk out and upstairs. I'm furious that THEY are doing this to me!! (but today, I know it was not done 'to me'....)

So, I hear them both screaming and crying and I hear the door being slammed and I don't dare go back down there. I breathe. I sit in a chair in my bedroom with my head in my hands and I offer up a prayer: "Help me, Lord. Help me calm down. Help me let go of things that don't matter." Someone runs up the stairs...the ten yr old who is going skiing today.
"Nancy PLEASE don't make me wear a turtle neck, they don't match my pants!" I couldn't even look up, all I said was, "I'm praying." and she stomps out saying, "why are you being such a jerk?!" Well, that hit the nail right on the head. I was being a jerk. I stayed there and breathed deeply in and out for about a miinute or so. I hear drawers slamming, I hear the girls arguing.

We are gonna be late for school and i am now past the point of caring. I just want them to emotionally chill out so they can go to school and learn and not act out for their teachers. And I want my little skiier to have fun with her class. I made cookies last night for her to take and share with the kids on her bus; and they turned out FABULOUS (Lehi Roller Mills Choc Chip!). I'm ruining the mood for her fun day. I'm so disappointed in myself.

Back and forth for 5-10 min I hear, "I don't wanna wear this!" and I say "Then you can go to work with me today." and she says "I don't wanna go to work with you!" and I say "Then you'll wear a turtleneck." .... "NNnnoooooooO!" and i say 'yes'. What is going on with me? I don't have PMS....because I don't have a uterus or ovaries anymore, so what the hell?

Somehow we make it into the truck and I drive the ten yr old to school first today (she put on a turtleneck) so she won't be late. When we pull up, I get out and go around to her side; I think she knew what I wanted to do and she opened her arms for a hug. I grab her hard and kiss her forehead and tell her I love her and I'm sorry we had a hard morning. I whispered to her to have a great time skiing and I'm so sorry I was bad this morning. I kissed her again and off she went. One down, one to go.

As we drove to the next school, I apologized to my 7 yr old. I said, "I'm so sorry I threw your underwear at you. I will never do that again. Will you forgive me? " and she softly said, "yes". And I replied, "thank you, hon-" . She too got a big hug and a kiss when she got out of the truck. They both seemed okay as they went into their schools.

I was able to vent a little, and repent a little, with my friend John at work. He reassured me that I'm human and it's okay. But still....

LATER THAT DAY: When I picked up my ten yr old at 3:15 I couldn't wait to hear about her ski trip. She said, 'everyone loved the cookies and they asked me if I made them and I said, 'no, my mom did.' (short pause) Is it okay if I call you 'mom'?"

Thank you, Lord. me

I'm Ready To Cry

2010-01-06T18:37:00.000-07:00

The past couple of weeks have brought about much change in my home, my head and the blood pumping organ in my chest. I have been working with my 7 yr olds' daddy to reunite her with him and it's getting close. But the neat thing is: since she's been having more frequent and longer visits her poor behaviors have almost diminished and her rages have subsided, her self destructiveness has disappeared and her affection has increased ten fold! She is hugging me more, she wants piggy back rides, she puts her hand on my leg when we sit close on the couch and just this afternoon she gave me three quick kisses on my cheek while we were visiting with her therapist.

I know I'm sometimes too much of an optimist, but I am so proud of the father, the child welfare system and the specific worker who is assigned to manage this case because we are beginning weekend visits this week! She will be picked up on Friday around 3p and returned Sunday evening. That's the last step before a 'trial home visit', which usually lasts 30 days and then the foster care portion will be complete. Hopefully, we will never again see this awesome survivor in 'the system' again. She'll have her forever family and I'll have my first child achieve permanency.

This little girl told her therapist today that she is tired of bouncing around from one house to another. She wants to live with her daddy forever and just visit me. I thought I was gonna cry. I am so proud that I've been a small branch in her family tree...that maybe I have encouraged that familial relationship to maintain it's strength...and that I have not been part of any type of sabotage to hurt the parent/child relationship. I, after all, am not in this position of being a foster parent to adopt...I am here to reunite if at all possible; and if not, then I want to help a child find a permanent home, a forever family.

My relationship with all four girls in my home continues to improve. If you know (or if I've said it in a previous blog entry), I can not have children of my own and I really wanted to have the parenting experience while I was still young enough and energetic enough...okay, and optimistic enough :) But I had no freaking idea what I was in for. So, when I say 'I'm ready to cry'...it's happy tears. I am beginning to feel the pang of separation and that means I have learned to attach to a child and to be less self-centered, and those things are all good.

The Stuff No One Really Sees

2009-11-24T21:03:00.000-07:00

I hired a number of caseworkers during my tenure at DCFS. Most are still there, but today I have two girls in my home that are on the caseload of K.B. (I'm not sure I should use her name without her permission)...KB called me at 8p tonight; she needed to re-schedule our home visit because she just met with one of her new foster families for two hours and she wanted to know if she could come tomorrow instead. So, of course I rescheduled with her....

Many people who criticize DCFS workers never know of the committment they have for their work. Real Social Workers, like KB, love children, believe in families, have integrity and learn how to balance justice and mercy. I am very proud of the workers in Western Region...and the administration who guide and serve with them. I am proud to still be peripherally connected to them as a trainer for the foster parents they place children with.

Child Welfare is a TOUGH job and anyone who can stick with it deserves way more than they currently get from the legislature, the press and the nay-sayers.

She's 13 today!

2009-11-15T10:32:00.000-07:00

So, today is the 13th birthday of one of 'my girls'. I asked her today if she thinks her mom is thinking about her. She said, 'what mom?' and I replied "Your birth mom! The mom who gave birth to you." She shrugged. I excitedly said, "Oh, I'm sure she is! You were her first born, she'll never forget this day!" My 13 yr old smiled and asked, 'You think she'll remember me because I was her first baby?". "ABSOLUTELY!" I smiled back.

Last Friday (13th) we had a party at Classic Skating, and I paid for 13 kids to skate and celebrate with us. I videotaped it. I've got her doing the Hokey Pokey with the rest of the skating crowd! I met two of her sisters I had never met before. I was so grateful that these other foster parents (of my kids' siblings) took time out of their lives to share this important day with us.

But today is her actual birthday. My parents sent her 13 crisp dollar bills and she opened that card today. She said, "They even smell new"! She doesn't want to fold them! One of her foster sisters gave her a really cute pink tie-dyed shirt with a giant peace sign on it; which she chose to wear to church. That's cool. You only turn 13 once. And at least she's GOING to church!!

Do you know what she wants to do with the $13? She wants to go to a store and buy everyone in our home their favorite candy bar. Well, I don't say 'no way' often, but I certainly nixed that idea. I want her to spend it on herself. So, she then decided to save 1/2 of it in her bank account and keep the other 1/2 available for reckless spending! :) That I am okay with.

Today I am thinking about her birth mom...is she thinking "I wonder if my baby is happy... I wonder if she is thinking about me? I wonder what she looks like...I wonder....". I will keep her in my prayers today.

Does that birth mom cry on this day? I absolutely will go to my grave believing that she knows what day this is and is thinking about her daughter, who is in my home today, who will be having pot roast, potatoes, corn, rolls and choc chip cookies for dinner, who loves to dance, who loves animals, Miley Cyrus, scary movies and flamin' hot crunchy cheetos....she needs a forever two parent family and I know she is close to getting one!

It's All About the Children...

2009-11-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

I talk about it in almost all 8 classes I teach each month, I have guest speakers who reiterate in the telling of their story (Aymee and Stevoni both) that they made choices based on what was best for their kids, not convenient for (or even EXPECTED of) them (as parents). But when the light bulb turns on for me, it isn't 100 watts of understanding. For me, it's a dimmer switch which week by week gets a little brighter.
Today was one of the BEST days I've ever had as a foster mom. It's an uncomplicated answer to a desperate prayer..."God, help me to not take it personally." And I keep the brain tape in loop mode saying: "It's not about you, Nancy, it's about them!" "It's not about you, Nancy, it's about her."
Whatever may tick me off as a foster parent, is NOT directed at me(I know this cognitively, but emotionally...well, I'm human) These kids are working through a bunch of garbage with years of stench built in. They don't trust me yet (and they SHOULDN'T!)...but if I try to 'get even with' a child who is pushing my buttons...well, that's my issue. I don't need to retaliate against a 7 yr old who has years of abuse she is dealing with. I need to hug her, kiss her cheek, stroke her hair and read to her, tickle her, give her choices and praise. I'm getting it! This feels right!

My two oldest girls (13 & 16) went to a youth group meeting at church tonight. They both were wearing zip up sweat shirts (which is very rare...you know teens, they are too cool for sweaters and coats) and so I asked to see what they had on under it. They both had spaghetti strap shirts....not real appropriate for the meeting they were going to. But they already knew that, (that's why they had on sweat shirts, right?!).... so I let them go with their word that they would keep the sweatshirts ON. They both gave me their word. So, we'll see how THAT goes :) But I also know it isnt about pulling one over on the foster mom, it's just that they are teen girls going to a meeting where there will be teen boys. It's not about me. It's about them! And they're AWESOME. : )

My open question to you: Should I insist my teens change their clothes to something more appropriate for the situation, or should I let peer pressure do the parenting for me? I have to pick my battles, right? but I also have to 'parent'.... which means TEACH, MODEL, TEACH, APOLOGIZE...

Share a little Care Giving With Your Caseworkers, too!

2009-10-26T10:00:00.000-06:00

It's getting tougher to keep up with this but I will do my best.
Two new girls moved in a week ago, so I have two sets of sibling girls! They are (so far) great for each other; they each have someone to play with; take walks with, ride scooters with :)

There's twice as much to think about with another sibling set; but I have a great caseworker with this second set of sisters. (I actually hired her when I worked at DCFS a number of years ago!) She returns emails very timely. I know she enjoys carmel & chocolate dipped pretzel rods, so I made her two on the night she dropped off the girls. I promise, it doesn't hurt to take care of the caseworkers you work with. DCFS in Utah is pretty broke these days (as many government agencies are, nationwide)...the supervisors there have no funding to buy bikes for their kids, let alone give a worker a $50 'pat-on-the-back' for a job well done. It will serve you well, if you can send them a note of 'thanks' a couple times a year (Mothers Day or Fathers Day and any other time you think of it). Get to know your caseworkers; what motivates them (dipped pretzels?) a note from one of 'their kids' (one of the kids on their caseload); a school picture, an invitation to a graduation, etc.

My first 'i love you, Nancy' ....

2009-10-07T21:18:00.000-06:00

It was just a day...nothing special...she's 7 years old and she was walking through the garage to get into my truck and she just turned to me and said, 'i love you, Nancy'. She's one of the bravest kids I've ever met. She's a survivor of a horrible abuse...and she can still love! And she chose to share some of it with me. Sometimes, she blows me away....

The Foster Roster

2009-10-02T21:29:00.000-06:00

The Foster Roster is the monthly newsletter created by the Utah Foster Care Foundation to share resources, upcoming events and trainings, recognitions, policy updates, legislative decisions and even contests. It is one way Utah has found to keep foster parents connected with each others' successes, interests and challenges. Beginning in July 2009 it became an every-other-month mailed publication (on the even-numbered months) and an online updated version on odd-numbered months. It is only mailed to currently LICENSED foster homes.

There are five regions in Utah (Northern, Salt Lake Valley, Western, Eastern and South Western); each region develops it's own six pages (well, three pages front and back) and then the state news is added to the end of that, two pages front and back. It is always mailed out on purple paper (the signature color of the UFCF); so it is easily recognizable when it's delivered.

This publication is really the baby of the Retention department of the UFCF; although the regional trainers have a significant responsibility. It is always available online for anyone to see, located at www.utahfostercare.org just click on the purple Foster Roster button.

I received my first copy today, as a licensed foster parent...I read it from cover to cover! :)

Available Supports to Utah Foster Parents

2009-09-23T09:57:00.000-06:00

Even though confidentiality can be an emotional burden, it is first and foremost a necessity to protect the children and the families DCFS serves. As a new foster parent I am finding that I need a safe venting mechanism...but I can not go to my typical resources because they are not 'cleared' . So, this morning I had the chance to tell my kids' therapist a little of my woes and an update on how the kids are doing in my home. A few nights ago I expressed my doubts and insecurities during a class, as an example of 'grief and loss and attachment'....which was the topic being covered that night. Afterwards, I thanked my class for my '3 minute therapy session' and they all laughed. But they gave me a huge lift with their comments and 'atta-girls' which I was needing and so appreciative of.

I have a couple of close friends who I would love to vent to, but I've signed a Confidentiality agreement and that is prohibited if I want to keep my license, and I do! So, what else is offered to me by DCFS to help keep a newbie parent like me SANE? Here are a few things:

1- use your RFC (Resource Family Consultant); they are social workers at DCFS assigned to support the placement

2-use the child's therapist as a support (minimally, but if you talk to them weekly they'll get another perspective of how things are going in the home)

3- other foster parents who may have the sibs of the kids in your home (in my case I have 2-3 other foster parents I can talk to, vent with, share babysitting or respite days with).

4- UFAFA (pronounced "You-fah-fah") it's the Utah Foster Adoptive Family Association and the state rep is Stephanie Ellis (stephanieellis6@msn.com) . Stephanie has a decade or more of foster care experience and can really be an advocate when you feel lost, angry, or burned out.

5- ATTEND INSERVICE TRAININGS with your CLUSTER!! Because you need 12 hrs a year of continued training to keep your foster parent license current, it is wise to attend a few of these trainings each year. You will get to know those in your cluster (your geographical area, for the most part)...that means there may be other foster parents who are more experienced than you who have 'been there' and can talk you off the ledge :) when you need it. And it builds a commraderie when you hang out with others who are doing the same type of generous, self-less exhausting, work which you're doing.

6- DCFS has partnered with others in the community to preserve and nurture their resource families (aka: foster families). But along with that, at least in the Western Region of Utah, is something called the Foster Care Council. It was created to assist foster families with any problems they have (including the opportunity to VENT; especially if other resources haven't been useful). But either word hasn't gone out about it's availability very well, or foster parents are afraid to use it thinking they may be 'black listed' (which would NOT happen, this counsel is a SAFE place) for complaining. Appointments can be made to be on the agenda monthly, by calling the front desk (801-374-7005, then press 1).

7- And lastly, a pilot program is being re-visited, tentatively a Foster Parent Mentor Program, which will link an experienced foster parent with a newly licensed foster parent to help them through the legal maze, the acronyms, and the venting sessions (among other things)! It's not yet up and running, but hopefully it will be soon. It's a great idea and it doesn't surprise me at all that DCFS is working to get this going.

With that said, foster care in Utah is still run by a state government agency (we are not privatized) and things (like programs) take time to build correctly, to manage well, to collect data on, and to adapt when adaption is needed. And all of those things take money and money is in short supply thanks to our Utah legislatures who cut funding to support human services. We just need to recruit a couple of legislatures to be foster parents and we'd have an ally for life. Hmmmmm, there's a challenge for someone to take on.... :)

Reimbursement Rates

2009-09-08T19:47:00.001-06:00

Foster Parents in Utah who take kids from DCFS are reimbursed (not 'paid') by DCFS each month. The amount varies from $14 a day on up to about $24 a day, and it all depends on the age of the child and their behaviors.

DCFS uses a 3 page form called the Level of Care form to determine the behaviors of the child. The behaviors to be reviewed are from the previous 6 months. This form should be reviewed about every six months to determine how the child is progressing in the foster home. The levels are titled "Basic" "Specialized" and "Structured". ..the age breakdown in each level is 0-11, 12-15 and 16+...so there are three levels and three age categories in each level.

There is also something called "Medically Fragile", which is for kids with serious medical needs(or therapeutic issues in some cases). Examples of medical needs might be a child who is a burn victim and needs regular trips to the UofU burn unit to care for the wounds, or a child who has spina bifida, heart monitors or oxygen for babies born addicted to drugs...these things most likely will qualify a child for the 'medically fragile' code which means $10 a day more than whatever reimbursemet rate they initially qualify for. IE: If you get a baby who was born addicted to drugs, they fall within Level 1 = Basic = $14 a day, plus medically fragile = $10 a day for a total of $24 a day for the care of this child.

There is special training by the nurse/hospital caring for this child which the foster parents will be expected and encouraged to learn before they are released from the hospital. Afterall, knowing how to run a feeding tube, or heart monitor is not something you learn as you go along!

Since these reimbursements are not 'payments', they are not taxed. So if you have a Basic Level child at $14 a day, for 30 days you'll get a check for $420 a month, no taxes deducted. That covers their room, board, allowance if you offer it, hair cuts, other ammenities (basic hygiene things). Now, the one thing that MUST BE DEDUCTED FROM THAT $420 is $41 for new clothing every month. Please talk to your tax preparer for your year end tax questions.

If you have further questions about this short discussion, ask me in 'comments' and I'll get back with you on the details as soon as possible.

09/09/09 My first day as a foster parent!

2009-09-08T19:27:00.000-06:00

Today I rec'd a call asking me to consider a sibling set of 2 girls, ages 7 and 12. I met them today I showed them my house and we drove by the schools they'll attend...and they will move in after school tomorrow!
Because of confidentiality I can not discuss any identifying information; or the issues that brought them into DCFS custody. Suffice it to say I will be working reunification with a parent and when the judge say's he/she has met minimum requirements of the goals they've set with DCFS, that's when the girls will go home. So the first day of my full time, temporary parenting experience is on 09/09/09!! Pretty cool.

Well Traineed Staff: Example

2009-09-03T13:13:00.000-06:00

If you read the post just before this one, you probably sensed my angst re: having to say 'no' to a placement; a young girl. I just got off the phone with the caseworker, I'll call her Rachel. This is basicially how the call went:

R- So, tell me how the meeting went last night.

N- Well, Rachel, I don't think I'm the best placement for this gal.

R- Really? Why?

N- The program she will be a part of (and needs!) is very intense and more structure than I want in my home. I want more of a relationship building experience than a control-focused home.

R-Oh, Nancy, i totally understand! I would too. (here she shared her point of view of the newest research and some of the theories of a book called "Beyond Consequences...", which I also have read)

N- Thank you so much for understanding and supporting me, Rachel.

R- Oh, of course! I am just glad that you know yourself well enough, and that you know how the system works so you can make the best choices for your home. (all paraphrased of course)

N- Think of me again in the future.

R- I definitely will.

Yes, this is a diluted version, but it is the gist of a phone call with an educated, clinical Social Worker. She not only validated my feelings, but she spoke to me with kindness, respect and as a peer. That was so appreciated. I presumed that phone call would be hard to have, but it wasn't. This 'Rachel' worker, is a keeper. You too can have the support of DCFS if you hold to your value system and are honest with them. When I make a commitment to take a child into my home, I will be commiting to that child until they go home; they will not be kicked out because they punch a hole in a wall, or steal from me, or lie to me, or skip school, or get pregnant, or run away. I will hang in there with them...because I am the trained adult, because I believe in forever families and because I've seen people change and I have faith in people.

Knowing Your Limits: Saying 'No'

2009-09-02T19:59:00.001-06:00

5:30p tonight I met with three therapists and the birth parents of a potential placement. We spoke about the girls needs and what I needed to do to prepare my home and myself for her to move in. I needed to install alarms on her bedroom window and door. I needed to learn her therapeutic program which consisted of strict levels; therapeutic and behavioral; which included a type of token system. I began to tell them that I was willing to learn; yet I felt a knot in my stomach which notified me of my dishonesty.

As I drove away from the meeting tonight I was pretty sure I was going to call the caseworker and say, 'this is not the best fit'. So many thoughts were racing in my head. Thoughts like, "but they picked you because of your experience", and "you live in the right city so this girl can get to the right school program" and "they're counting on you" and "they're your friends". Then I thought STOP! If I'm going to agree to do foster care, it has to be right for the child and the right thing for me. I teach potential foster families that they have the right to do what is best for their family; they don't have to accept every child that DCFS calls them about; they won't be black listed or red-flagged if they decide a certain child or children is not going to work out.

They have to put their excitement about 'parenting' second to the best interest of the child.

This young lady was going to require me to have a level system in my home; such a strict environment that she had to earn the privilege of listening to a radio and having spare change in her pocket. Does that sound harsh to you? It does to me, too. But this girl has serious issues that need serious structure and intense supervision. As this group went on to explain why these things needed to be just so, I began to understand the seriousness of this girls emotional and behavioral issues and the commitment that needed to be made.

Most people who know me would not describe me as 'serious' or 'intense'; I think they would describe me as 'free-spirited', 'sponstaneous' and 'laid back'. The way I desire to run my home is different than this young girl needs. And as much as I hate to disappoint the caseworker (my friend), I will have to call her in the morning to say that my home is not the right fit for this young lady. I can not commit to run my home like is needed for her to be successful.

I am not "therapeutic home" material. I am "foster home" material, through and through. Even as I am typing this I feel an emotional weight being lifted. The weight of 'dishonesty' changing places with the freedom of 'honesty'. I am trained to work with unhealthy adults who abuse or neglect their children. 67% of kids in Utah foster care go home to a birth parent or a family member. I WANT to work with those adults; I want to mentor them and help the kids manage their anger and pain and fears until they get to go home . But if the parents are not successful and the kids can not go home or to other family members, I will be there to offer another kind of permanency.

Wish me luck.

Who Can Be A DCFS Caseworker?

2009-08-29T14:12:00.000-06:00

Well, when I was hired at DCFS in Provo in 1995, I had a BYU bachelor's degree in Theater Education. My good friend, Eric, who was hired the same day had a degree in Korean! DCFS gave us a year to bring our 'unrelated' degree up to a 'related' degree.

During that year Eric and I took classes from the 'U', Weber State and UVSC...we had to take I believe, 5 classes. Then we could formally be hired at DCFS; which we both were in May or June 1996. Within a few years a ruling came down(from wherever rulings come down from) which said DCFS can now only hire those with certain bachelor degree's. I'm not sure, but this may have been instigated by the David C. vs Leavitt lawsuit from the mid-1990's (more on the lawsuit in a later blog).

At this time Eric and I were able (and required) to take and pass the state social worker test so that we could be Social Service Workers (SSW's). Which we both did, successfully.

Today, as I started to say a few sentences ago, DCFS hires it's caseworkers from graduates of degrees in social work, and a few other related majors. They probably wouldn't look twice at applications from theater or korean majors!

This change in hiring practices was a GOOD THING! It didn't 'guarantee' an understanding of the social worker mentality, (which is one of compassion, helping, boundary setting, non-judgmental-ness, among other attributes)...but it sure does lay a strong foundation of basic principles of this important field of study and service. Which I didn't have....

I usually tell a story in my foster parent training classes about how proud I was when I was hired at DCFS. How I felt strong, capable, and better than the loser birth parents who abused or neglected their kids... I'm also pretty sure that I was successful at letting others know I was those things, too. I believed working for 'state government' was an elitist position; good insurance, paid holidays, great working environment...and that the families who abused or neglected their kids better know that I was the one in charge and if they didn't do what I told them to, they'd probably be unsuccessful at getting their kids back.

Not long after I was a licensed social worker in Utah, DCFS was under a scrutinizing microscope to create more family-friendly practices, again the catalyst was the lawsuit. There was a huge number of changes (around 300 specific items, but I'll double check that #) that DCFS had to make if they wanted to be the child protection agency in the state. Research was showing that families were more apt to respond to services offered to them, when they had a say in what the services were (services such as therapy, substance abuse issues, domestic violence, anger, unemployment, parenting skills, etc)...so that meant caseworkers needed to ASSESS the families strengths and needs and to link them to the services the family needed to bring the 'needs' up to 'strenths'.

Now this was a new philosophy to digest. I remember case workers really kicking and screaming about this new assessment and how we didn't have time to be all warm and fuzzy with our high caseloads, etc. But, it made total sense to me as I digested it....but it took a few trainings to really open my eyes and heart to what social work was really about. (Now, I was morphing from a drama teacher with a state gov't job, to a real social worker!).... and it was my goal to become a cheerleader of these new practice principles.

Assessments were implemented; strengths and needs were put in writing, new Service Plans were (and still are) updated to keep up with best practices; families were given more choices instead of being dictated to...and the recognition that hiring trained social workers was an important element in successful child welfare practices in Utah.

It's been so educational to be a part of the child welfare world in Utah. Many of you have no idea that Utah's Child Welfare practices are on the cutting edge of 21st century, North American ideals. Other states visit Utah's DCFS administration, and some local offices, to see how we do what we do. That's something to be proud of...but it has not been an easy road: ask any worker who has at least 15 yrs under their belt!

2009-08-27T14:11:00.000-06:00

Utah.gov

2009-08-27T14:09:00.000-06:00

Utah.gov

It's All About Relationships

2009-08-23T14:02:00.000-06:00

I've often told the classes I train, (those potential foster/adoptive parents) that if I could re-name the Pre Service Training classes, I would call them "Relationship Building 101". I tell them they will learn new information and skills, be reminded of old (but still valuable) information and I will show them how it will all pertain to building relationships. I go on to list that some of those relationships will be with people in their current family compostion, but some will be with community agencies, other professionals, (schools, mental health agencies, substance abuse providers, attorneys, etc) but also the birth families, and the abused/neglected children. DCFS is counting on them to be team players.
I talk to them about three important facts about DCFS in Utah: ONE- Safety always comes first. The safety of abused/neglected children, the safety of their staff, the safety of foster/adoptive parents and even of birth families. TWO- Confidentiality is HUGE at DCFS. Not only will they be the recipients of the right of confidentiality (DCFS will not disclose last names even, if the foster parents are uncomfortable with it, and they most will be until they begin to build... what? Right, a relationship with the birth family!), but so are the children and DCFS staff. THREE- DCFS is NOT an adoption agency. Which means this: DCFS is in the business of hiring temporary families to care for abused and neglected children until they can safely (fact one) go home. Then, if the birth family can not or chooses not to get their lives together in the court appointed time frame, and there is no other viable relative, DCFS will hope that, and ask, the current foster/adoptive family if they will consider raising/nurturing this child permanently.
And I often need to remind them (and myself) that none of this is done perfectly every day; as a matter of fact it's RARELY done perfectly. Why? you may be thinking.... because we are emotional beings (aka: human) and that's just the way it is. That means, DCFS employees are human, attorney's and judges are human, foster/adoptive parents are human...and they are no different, certainly no better than the parents of children invovled with 'the system' (that could mean:DCFS, criminal justice, whatever). So, we learn to be patient, (with ourselves as well as others), we learn to be better today than we were yesterday and we encourage others to be better today than THEY were yesterday, too. Including abusive birth parents or spouses, including victims, including other service providers, including addicts...
I invite guest speakers to my classes as often as I can get them. Sometimes 7 out of 8 classes in a month, will have a guest speaker! Mostly, tho' I can arrange 4-5 guest speakers a month; but they share amazing stories of hope, forgiveness, courage, and transformations.

If you are thinking about becoming a foster(or adoptive) parent in Utah, get in touch with the Utah Foster Care Foundation (they have a great website: www.utahfostercare.org and a blog for more information)

Facebook | Utah Foster Care Fndtn

2009-08-15T19:01:00.000-06:00

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Change is SO possible...

2009-08-15T17:57:00.000-06:00

The sun rises and sets everyday (so far)...it changes the world we live in everyday. I breathe in and out every single day (so far)...and I'm probably changing it, too. But the question that runs repeatedly in my head is: Am I changing the world in a positive way? I have a very real optimistic outlook during my majority of days. I WANT to be part of the solution. But to which problem? For me, today, it's the child welfare world in Utah.
I've seen birth parents who have made difficult life changes...some have been because 'it's time', some have been motivated by incarceration, some have been because the (permanent or temporary) loss of their children knocked them on their butt and that was all the motivation to change they needed. I've run in to old clients who have no ill feelings toward DCFS, and others who hate that agency and still blame them for the break-up of their family.
I have 'hired' some of these birth parents to share their stories in the foster parent training classes I teach each month. They tell their story of 'recovery' or 'getting out of a violent relationship' or whatever their inspiring story is.... And I invite them so that my potential foster parents can change their perspective which is usually one of fear and anger toward's the birth family to one of tolerance, empathy, forgiveness, hope and acceptance...usually in that order.
I have one 'couple' who speaks about how much easier it is to love the birth parent of her adopted child than it was to hate her. But change takes time and patience...on all of our parts. But I believe that as long as we can breathe, we have the ability to change, grow and develop.

I also bring up the very real point that even with the best of intentions, without any guile or expectation on our part whatsoever, a birth parent may not WANT our empathy, forgiveness or acceptance...but that's OKAY too. Because if they do, I want my potential foster parents to be ready to share it...and if they don't, at least these foster parents know that they made the good choice to offer the open hand of helpfulness.

Which brings my thoughts to: we as foster parents (I love saying that!), are not BETTER THAN the birth parents we are serving...we, too have sins, scars (emotional and physical) and poor choices (whatever you want to call them) which are in our history, too. And if our poor choices were illegal in nature, and we were arrested for them, and paraded in front of a judge and other state employees because of them; we'd feel ashamed, embarassed, angry and maybe defiant, too. Remembering that will help build the empathy and forgiveness values in our lives. What a great way to demonstrate to your children/parents/friends/spouse that you believe everyone can change for the better; that you are a 'hopeful' person (versus a despairing one).

Well, this is one of my soap box issues...let me know if I need to clarify anything. I'm happy to.

1st inquiry for a placement !

2009-08-13T13:32:00.000-06:00

Today I had my first interview for a placement of a teen girl! I am looking forward to having a teen in the home; but I also know she is coming with 4-5 years of tough times, being separated from parents and siblings. I hope to keep my 'looking forward'-ness in check as I put her needs ahead of my own.
I've never been a full time mother and I'm 49 years old. The only parenting experience I've had is when I was married and we had his four (awesome) kids on Wednesdays and every other weekend. I also get the regular experience of taking my best friends 5yo son, Will, with me when I need a fix of youthfulness and energy!

Now, this is the normal routine for placing a child in a foster home in the Western Region of Utah. (There are 5 regions, most run the same): usually, Resource Family Consultants (RFC's) who are social workers employed by the Division of Child and Family Services (DCFS) go over all possible families in a meeting, twice a week, as a team. They talk about the kids who have recently come into care, or maybe those that are not having success in their current placement and need to be moved. They discuss foster families that have openings, what city they live in, what life experience they have, if there is a stay-at-home parent or not, if there are other kids in the home and what their gender/ages are. THEN, they pick the three best homes for each child(or sibling group), and make their final decision from those three. However, sometimes there is not always 'three best homes' to choose from....sometimes there's only one family who fits the needs of the child and has the family strengths that would help the child/children best.

Then they make the phone call to that "chosen family" to see if they'd be willing to take the child/children and if so, when can they make it happen. It could be a nice, smooth transition that takes 1-2 weeks, or it could be a 'see you in 30 minutes!' type of placement. DCFS OFFICE HOURS are Mon - Thur 7a - 6p (as of August 2008; part of the governor's initiative to save the state money)

But, the type of placement (slow or immediate) also depends on which day it is (a workday, a weekend day or a holiday?) and what time of day (afterhours is from 6pm - 7am and Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays)....but DCFS in Utah has an 'after hours' phone for emergency placements, or to assist a foster parent who feels they are in an emergency situation with a child in custody. I beleive all 5 regions have that after hours access; if you know differently, let me know.

Introductions....

2009-08-10T10:47:00.000-06:00

My name is Nancy. I live in Provo, Utah. I have been employed as a foster care caseworker, a foster care supervisor and even for a short time, the state foster care specialist (though that position has a different name now). Today I train foster parents through a non-profit agency. I'm a licensed social worker in Utah. I also have a Master's Degree in School Counseling and as of August 1, 2009 I am a licensed foster parent!

I am developing a philosophy about child welfare which I would like to share with you. I have a few soap box topics that I'm sure I will address shortly. I also want to make myself available to support you in your fostering experience, answer questions about Child Welfare practices in Utah (and I promise, if I don't know the answer, I won't make it up, I'll find it or I'll link you to where you can find it).

I also want to inspire and motivate you! If you are not yet a foster or adoptive parent in Utah; I want to recruit you, if you meet the minimal criteria. I'll get into that a little later, too.