That's What It's All About!

Remember the Hokey Pokey? You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about?! You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about! It was so much fun to do that at a roller skating rink, when I was a kid and 'tween... now we play a kind of Hokey Pokey in the child welfare system...and when everyone plays nice, we all win! Cool game right?
Let me tell you what has happened recently: my littlest girl, age 7 has been home for 19 days so far, on a trial home visit with her daddy and his fiance and their other children. I'll refer to my 7 yr old as "Angel", just so I don't have to keep writing 'my 7 yr old' :)

19 days ago, dad's fiance and Angel's brother, "Angel 2",pulled up into my driveway and Angel 2 jumped out carrying a big beautiful purple flowering plant and he handed it to me as dad's fiance said, 'we just want to thank you for taking care of Angel until today'. We talked a little and loaded Angel's things into her families truck and off they drove. The plant sits on my kitchen table. I've taken a picture of it to keep forever. About 2 weeks later I received one of the nicest emails I have ever received, from dad's fiance. I want to share part of it here:

"Dear Nancy,
...Angel is doing really well. She has come so far again since she has come home. She hasn't wet the bed since the night we brought her home for good. She is no longer wearing pull ups. She is in her new school...she seems to be enjoying it a lot. She loves to ride the bus. The bus picks her up right in front of our house and she is so independent she doesn't want mom or dad to walk her out! ... It's so funny to watch her now as she will run to her dad and jump in his arms to be hugged before bed. It's such a wonderful picture to see [daddy] and her together. This was something I just didn't believe would ever happen. Thank you so much for helping in making this come true....She is truly a special spirit and I'm so grateful she is back with us. She makes everyday special with just her smile alone...Thank you again for all that you have done to bring Angel back to us. I hope and pray that we will always be friends. [dad's fiance]

Now for the Hokey Pokey part: Parents who have temporarily lost their right to parent their children for abuse, neglect or other reasons, have responsibilities to do, to show the court they've made positive changes in their life and they deserve to parent their children again. Usually, it's not more than 4-6 parenting related goals. I never even saw what this parent's goals were. We never discussed them in our Child and Family Team meetings (which are held monthly, which is AWESOME!) However, some parents call these "responsibilities" by other names/phrases: "jumping through hoops", "bureacratic red tape", "bull shit", among other things, and "the dance". I like 'the dance' best because for me it means two willing parties who both have to move...if they can move in rhythm, the dance progresses nicely, as in the case of Angel, her daddy, his fiance and I. We were able to extend hands of respect to each other (put the right foot in), share important information about Angel back and forth (put the right foot out), keep in regular contact for visits (put the right foot in), as the foster parent I concientiously sat on their side of the court room when we reviewed Angel's case (and shake it all about). We took turns transporting Angel to various appointments (you do the Hokey Pokey), and we vented about case issues we were unhappy with, with each other (and you turn yourself around), and we ultimately built a realtionship (that's what it's all about!).
I have no doubts or concerns today, that this family and I will remain friends. I have become a branch in Angel's family tree, it's a skinny, little branch, but I'm there forever! That is an exceptionally rewarding thought.