TRUST YOUR MOTHER

A week ago the four of us went to meet our new Primary Care Physician. My 17 yr old daughter, Aubrianna, wanted a female doctor and didn't want to go to her pediatrician anymore. I found someone I thought she'd like. I made appointments for three of us to get our FLU shots, two of them to get their Gardasil shot, and all of us to meet the doctor.

As my 11 yr old (Aubri's youngest sibling) sat on the paper covered exam bed, her anxiety began to grow. She began to whine and hold/cover her upper arms with her own hands. I thought she was kidding. I may even have verbally reprimanded her. But as the nurse approached my youngest girl with the needle, Aubri stood up and stood right in front of her little sister. She leaned in and they touched foreheads. Aubri held her hands and told her to "just look at me, it'll be over in a minute". Even though her sister whined and tried to pull away from the nurse, Aubrianna knew just what to do. She was comforting and attentive and motherly. I, on the other hand, sat and watched and soaked it in. Yes, I was a little embarassed that I didn't think to do that. But my embarassment turned to awe as I saw my daughter (who has been her sisters mom for close to 11 years) nurture and calm her sister.

I've heard many caseworkers and even therapists recommend that siblings be separated if there are 'parenting issues' or if one of the children is 'parentified'. They say things like, 'it's in the oldest childs best interest', 'it will give them a chance to be a kid'. But my oldest daughter has only lived with me a year and a day...the trust is growing, but it's not at it's pinacle yet. She has a decade more parenting experience than I do (sadly for both of us) and her little sister TRUSTS her. That is the real point, isn't it?

When I earn the trust of my girls, I will be earning the title of MOTHER. As I learn the skills of mothering, I will earn the title of MOM. Oh, yeah...

Teenage Affection

On Saturday last, my 16 yr old, for the first time in almost six months of living with me, scrunched down under my arm as we sat on the couch visiting with my parents. I could hardly believe she was allowing me to show affection to her in this way! The next day she did the same thing at church!

This young lady was the mom in her family for a number of years. She hardly ever allows herself to be a kid...and it was the first time she actually let me be a nurturing adult to her. It felt good for me, too! I thought it took a lot of courage for her to show me she was willing to sit close to me. To me she was saying: I trust you, I like you, I feel safe with you (maybe I'm reading more into it than was meant, but that's what I heard during these non-verbal conversations). What a brave survivor I have living in my home.

I learn so much from these kids....