I hired a number of caseworkers during my tenure at DCFS. Most are still there, but today I have two girls in my home that are on the caseload of K.B. (I'm not sure I should use her name without her permission)...KB called me at 8p tonight; she needed to re-schedule our home visit because she just met with one of her new foster families for two hours and she wanted to know if she could come tomorrow instead. So, of course I rescheduled with her....
Many people who criticize DCFS workers never know of the committment they have for their work. Real Social Workers, like KB, love children, believe in families, have integrity and learn how to balance justice and mercy. I am very proud of the workers in Western Region...and the administration who guide and serve with them. I am proud to still be peripherally connected to them as a trainer for the foster parents they place children with.
Child Welfare is a TOUGH job and anyone who can stick with it deserves way more than they currently get from the legislature, the press and the nay-sayers.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
She's 13 today!
So, today is the 13th birthday of one of 'my girls'. I asked her today if she thinks her mom is thinking about her. She said, 'what mom?' and I replied "Your birth mom! The mom who gave birth to you." She shrugged. I excitedly said, "Oh, I'm sure she is! You were her first born, she'll never forget this day!" My 13 yr old smiled and asked, 'You think she'll remember me because I was her first baby?". "ABSOLUTELY!" I smiled back.
Last Friday (13th) we had a party at Classic Skating, and I paid for 13 kids to skate and celebrate with us. I videotaped it. I've got her doing the Hokey Pokey with the rest of the skating crowd! I met two of her sisters I had never met before. I was so grateful that these other foster parents (of my kids' siblings) took time out of their lives to share this important day with us.
But today is her actual birthday. My parents sent her 13 crisp dollar bills and she opened that card today. She said, "They even smell new"! She doesn't want to fold them! One of her foster sisters gave her a really cute pink tie-dyed shirt with a giant peace sign on it; which she chose to wear to church. That's cool. You only turn 13 once. And at least she's GOING to church!!
Do you know what she wants to do with the $13? She wants to go to a store and buy everyone in our home their favorite candy bar. Well, I don't say 'no way' often, but I certainly nixed that idea. I want her to spend it on herself. So, she then decided to save 1/2 of it in her bank account and keep the other 1/2 available for reckless spending! :) That I am okay with.
Today I am thinking about her birth mom...is she thinking "I wonder if my baby is happy... I wonder if she is thinking about me? I wonder what she looks like...I wonder....". I will keep her in my prayers today.
Does that birth mom cry on this day? I absolutely will go to my grave believing that she knows what day this is and is thinking about her daughter, who is in my home today, who will be having pot roast, potatoes, corn, rolls and choc chip cookies for dinner, who loves to dance, who loves animals, Miley Cyrus, scary movies and flamin' hot crunchy cheetos....she needs a forever two parent family and I know she is close to getting one!
Last Friday (13th) we had a party at Classic Skating, and I paid for 13 kids to skate and celebrate with us. I videotaped it. I've got her doing the Hokey Pokey with the rest of the skating crowd! I met two of her sisters I had never met before. I was so grateful that these other foster parents (of my kids' siblings) took time out of their lives to share this important day with us.
But today is her actual birthday. My parents sent her 13 crisp dollar bills and she opened that card today. She said, "They even smell new"! She doesn't want to fold them! One of her foster sisters gave her a really cute pink tie-dyed shirt with a giant peace sign on it; which she chose to wear to church. That's cool. You only turn 13 once. And at least she's GOING to church!!
Do you know what she wants to do with the $13? She wants to go to a store and buy everyone in our home their favorite candy bar. Well, I don't say 'no way' often, but I certainly nixed that idea. I want her to spend it on herself. So, she then decided to save 1/2 of it in her bank account and keep the other 1/2 available for reckless spending! :) That I am okay with.
Today I am thinking about her birth mom...is she thinking "I wonder if my baby is happy... I wonder if she is thinking about me? I wonder what she looks like...I wonder....". I will keep her in my prayers today.
Does that birth mom cry on this day? I absolutely will go to my grave believing that she knows what day this is and is thinking about her daughter, who is in my home today, who will be having pot roast, potatoes, corn, rolls and choc chip cookies for dinner, who loves to dance, who loves animals, Miley Cyrus, scary movies and flamin' hot crunchy cheetos....she needs a forever two parent family and I know she is close to getting one!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
It's All About the Children...
I talk about it in almost all 8 classes I teach each month, I have guest speakers who reiterate in the telling of their story (Aymee and Stevoni both) that they made choices based on what was best for their kids, not convenient for (or even EXPECTED of) them (as parents). But when the light bulb turns on for me, it isn't 100 watts of understanding. For me, it's a dimmer switch which week by week gets a little brighter.
Today was one of the BEST days I've ever had as a foster mom. It's an uncomplicated answer to a desperate prayer..."God, help me to not take it personally." And I keep the brain tape in loop mode saying: "It's not about you, Nancy, it's about them!" "It's not about you, Nancy, it's about her."
Whatever may tick me off as a foster parent, is NOT directed at me(I know this cognitively, but emotionally...well, I'm human) These kids are working through a bunch of garbage with years of stench built in. They don't trust me yet (and they SHOULDN'T!)...but if I try to 'get even with' a child who is pushing my buttons...well, that's my issue. I don't need to retaliate against a 7 yr old who has years of abuse she is dealing with. I need to hug her, kiss her cheek, stroke her hair and read to her, tickle her, give her choices and praise. I'm getting it! This feels right!
My two oldest girls (13 & 16) went to a youth group meeting at church tonight. They both were wearing zip up sweat shirts (which is very rare...you know teens, they are too cool for sweaters and coats) and so I asked to see what they had on under it. They both had spaghetti strap shirts....not real appropriate for the meeting they were going to. But they already knew that, (that's why they had on sweat shirts, right?!).... so I let them go with their word that they would keep the sweatshirts ON. They both gave me their word. So, we'll see how THAT goes :) But I also know it isnt about pulling one over on the foster mom, it's just that they are teen girls going to a meeting where there will be teen boys. It's not about me. It's about them! And they're AWESOME. : )
My open question to you: Should I insist my teens change their clothes to something more appropriate for the situation, or should I let peer pressure do the parenting for me? I have to pick my battles, right? but I also have to 'parent'.... which means TEACH, MODEL, TEACH, APOLOGIZE...
Today was one of the BEST days I've ever had as a foster mom. It's an uncomplicated answer to a desperate prayer..."God, help me to not take it personally." And I keep the brain tape in loop mode saying: "It's not about you, Nancy, it's about them!" "It's not about you, Nancy, it's about her."
Whatever may tick me off as a foster parent, is NOT directed at me(I know this cognitively, but emotionally...well, I'm human) These kids are working through a bunch of garbage with years of stench built in. They don't trust me yet (and they SHOULDN'T!)...but if I try to 'get even with' a child who is pushing my buttons...well, that's my issue. I don't need to retaliate against a 7 yr old who has years of abuse she is dealing with. I need to hug her, kiss her cheek, stroke her hair and read to her, tickle her, give her choices and praise. I'm getting it! This feels right!
My two oldest girls (13 & 16) went to a youth group meeting at church tonight. They both were wearing zip up sweat shirts (which is very rare...you know teens, they are too cool for sweaters and coats) and so I asked to see what they had on under it. They both had spaghetti strap shirts....not real appropriate for the meeting they were going to. But they already knew that, (that's why they had on sweat shirts, right?!).... so I let them go with their word that they would keep the sweatshirts ON. They both gave me their word. So, we'll see how THAT goes :) But I also know it isnt about pulling one over on the foster mom, it's just that they are teen girls going to a meeting where there will be teen boys. It's not about me. It's about them! And they're AWESOME. : )
My open question to you: Should I insist my teens change their clothes to something more appropriate for the situation, or should I let peer pressure do the parenting for me? I have to pick my battles, right? but I also have to 'parent'.... which means TEACH, MODEL, TEACH, APOLOGIZE...
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