Kelly and her husband Joe died in a tragic kayaking accident in Utah over the weekend. I didn't know much about her on a personal level but I worked with her for many years as she represented DCFS children who are in foster care. She had a carefree laugh and along with her long, loose, curly hair those two things symbolized her attitude about life.
Kelly also represented my two daughters in court just weeks ago; they have been on her caseload since the day they entered care 5 years ago. I will have to share with them, today also, of our great loss.
"Guardian ad Litem" is a Latin term meaning, 'Guardian of the child'...she did it in her profession of attorney, and I'm positive she will continue in this work on the other side. May God bless with comfort her family and friends during this unexpected loss (and recovery). I love you Kelli.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Adoption Day
The morning of our adoption, Aubrianna and I decided we didn't have a thing to wear! We rushed to the mall and we both found something we liked. We get home with about 90 minutes to get ready...and really that was plenty of time. Then the phone rings: it's Aubrianna's mom and she wants a ride to the court house to be there during the adoption! I was glad she decided to attend; "Of course we can pick you up!", I declared. On the way to court, we had time for a short ten or fifteen minute discussion about Aubrianna's birth (she weighed 6 lb 7 oz and was 18 1/2" long), her first word (mommy), her age when she walked (12 months). I never would have known these things if I had not cultivated a relationship with her. Even though there are days I am jealous of her (yes, it's true)...today was not one of those days. Today was all about Aubri gaining a forever family. I will be that for her.
Many friends joined us at the courthouse that afternoon. We videotaped a little bit, we took some pictures...small congratulatory gifts were exchanged. By 2:30 we were in the court room. I've known this judge about 15 years. She had me introduce everyone in the room; I proudly did so.
About mid-way through the quiet time of the judge reading the post-adoptive report, I heard crying behind me. It was Aubri's mom; I knew this would be tough for her. I handed her a box of Kleenex. I grasped her hand and squeezed it. Then I had to hug her. I whispered, 'thank you' to her and she whispered the same thing back to me. We held each other tight for maybe 30 seconds. It wouldn't be the only time she would cry today....
See, about 3 years ago when Aubrianna's mom signed away her parental rights she was not in a very healthy place in life. She did not have a permanent place to live or a regular income; but her life today was different. She's had the same job for 30 months,and she's lived in the same apartment for 15 months. That is enough to show me that she is maturing and settling down. She is not a safety risk to her/my/OUR girls.
The next court activity was to bang the gavel and declare the adoption legal. The judge has an oversized gavel especially for adoption days. My soon-to-be daughter took the gavel in both hands (it's about 3 feet long) and banged it on the wooden block and declared "My new name is Aubrianna Lynnea Zelenak". Pictures were snapped, those in attendance clapped and smiled. The judge asked if anyone else would like to hit the gavel and the first one up was Aubri's mom.
Initially, I thought, she wants to be funny, so she's gonna hit the gavel. But as I thought about it, I don't think that's what she 'planned' to do. I don't think 'funny' had anything to do with it. I think she wanted to tell me that she also approves of this adoption and her hitting the gavel on the block was to say, "I approve and accept this decision". That was the most supportive thing she could have done. I wonder if Aubrianna thought this?
We couldn't take Aubri's birth mom home because we had celebratory plans at Red Lobster. I thought about her a lot that day and evening hoping she was emotionally okay.
I also didn't just adopt Aubrianna that day, I adopted more than that, I adopted her history, her culture, her ancestors. We are all linked. If you can picture the grafting of a healthy branch into a healthier tree, well, that's one way to look at it. But what I did, was to cut her family tree vertically down to include her roots and we are grafting that into the trunk of my tree. Her roots will mingle with mine and we will grow as a family - two families, to begin with.... :)
Many friends joined us at the courthouse that afternoon. We videotaped a little bit, we took some pictures...small congratulatory gifts were exchanged. By 2:30 we were in the court room. I've known this judge about 15 years. She had me introduce everyone in the room; I proudly did so.
About mid-way through the quiet time of the judge reading the post-adoptive report, I heard crying behind me. It was Aubri's mom; I knew this would be tough for her. I handed her a box of Kleenex. I grasped her hand and squeezed it. Then I had to hug her. I whispered, 'thank you' to her and she whispered the same thing back to me. We held each other tight for maybe 30 seconds. It wouldn't be the only time she would cry today....
See, about 3 years ago when Aubrianna's mom signed away her parental rights she was not in a very healthy place in life. She did not have a permanent place to live or a regular income; but her life today was different. She's had the same job for 30 months,and she's lived in the same apartment for 15 months. That is enough to show me that she is maturing and settling down. She is not a safety risk to her/my/OUR girls.
The next court activity was to bang the gavel and declare the adoption legal. The judge has an oversized gavel especially for adoption days. My soon-to-be daughter took the gavel in both hands (it's about 3 feet long) and banged it on the wooden block and declared "My new name is Aubrianna Lynnea Zelenak". Pictures were snapped, those in attendance clapped and smiled. The judge asked if anyone else would like to hit the gavel and the first one up was Aubri's mom.
Initially, I thought, she wants to be funny, so she's gonna hit the gavel. But as I thought about it, I don't think that's what she 'planned' to do. I don't think 'funny' had anything to do with it. I think she wanted to tell me that she also approves of this adoption and her hitting the gavel on the block was to say, "I approve and accept this decision". That was the most supportive thing she could have done. I wonder if Aubrianna thought this?
We couldn't take Aubri's birth mom home because we had celebratory plans at Red Lobster. I thought about her a lot that day and evening hoping she was emotionally okay.
I also didn't just adopt Aubrianna that day, I adopted more than that, I adopted her history, her culture, her ancestors. We are all linked. If you can picture the grafting of a healthy branch into a healthier tree, well, that's one way to look at it. But what I did, was to cut her family tree vertically down to include her roots and we are grafting that into the trunk of my tree. Her roots will mingle with mine and we will grow as a family - two families, to begin with.... :)
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