Change is SO possible...

The sun rises and sets everyday (so far)...it changes the world we live in everyday. I breathe in and out every single day (so far)...and I'm probably changing it, too. But the question that runs repeatedly in my head is: Am I changing the world in a positive way? I have a very real optimistic outlook during my majority of days. I WANT to be part of the solution. But to which problem? For me, today, it's the child welfare world in Utah.
I've seen birth parents who have made difficult life changes...some have been because 'it's time', some have been motivated by incarceration, some have been because the (permanent or temporary) loss of their children knocked them on their butt and that was all the motivation to change they needed. I've run in to old clients who have no ill feelings toward DCFS, and others who hate that agency and still blame them for the break-up of their family.
I have 'hired' some of these birth parents to share their stories in the foster parent training classes I teach each month. They tell their story of 'recovery' or 'getting out of a violent relationship' or whatever their inspiring story is.... And I invite them so that my potential foster parents can change their perspective which is usually one of fear and anger toward's the birth family to one of tolerance, empathy, forgiveness, hope and acceptance...usually in that order.
I have one 'couple' who speaks about how much easier it is to love the birth parent of her adopted child than it was to hate her. But change takes time and patience...on all of our parts. But I believe that as long as we can breathe, we have the ability to change, grow and develop.

I also bring up the very real point that even with the best of intentions, without any guile or expectation on our part whatsoever, a birth parent may not WANT our empathy, forgiveness or acceptance...but that's OKAY too. Because if they do, I want my potential foster parents to be ready to share it...and if they don't, at least these foster parents know that they made the good choice to offer the open hand of helpfulness.

Which brings my thoughts to: we as foster parents (I love saying that!), are not BETTER THAN the birth parents we are serving...we, too have sins, scars (emotional and physical) and poor choices (whatever you want to call them) which are in our history, too. And if our poor choices were illegal in nature, and we were arrested for them, and paraded in front of a judge and other state employees because of them; we'd feel ashamed, embarassed, angry and maybe defiant, too. Remembering that will help build the empathy and forgiveness values in our lives. What a great way to demonstrate to your children/parents/friends/spouse that you believe everyone can change for the better; that you are a 'hopeful' person (versus a despairing one).

Well, this is one of my soap box issues...let me know if I need to clarify anything. I'm happy to.