It's All About Relationships

I've often told the classes I train, (those potential foster/adoptive parents) that if I could re-name the Pre Service Training classes, I would call them "Relationship Building 101". I tell them they will learn new information and skills, be reminded of old (but still valuable) information and I will show them how it will all pertain to building relationships. I go on to list that some of those relationships will be with people in their current family compostion, but some will be with community agencies, other professionals, (schools, mental health agencies, substance abuse providers, attorneys, etc) but also the birth families, and the abused/neglected children. DCFS is counting on them to be team players.
I talk to them about three important facts about DCFS in Utah: ONE- Safety always comes first. The safety of abused/neglected children, the safety of their staff, the safety of foster/adoptive parents and even of birth families. TWO- Confidentiality is HUGE at DCFS. Not only will they be the recipients of the right of confidentiality (DCFS will not disclose last names even, if the foster parents are uncomfortable with it, and they most will be until they begin to build... what? Right, a relationship with the birth family!), but so are the children and DCFS staff. THREE- DCFS is NOT an adoption agency. Which means this: DCFS is in the business of hiring temporary families to care for abused and neglected children until they can safely (fact one) go home. Then, if the birth family can not or chooses not to get their lives together in the court appointed time frame, and there is no other viable relative, DCFS will hope that, and ask, the current foster/adoptive family if they will consider raising/nurturing this child permanently.
And I often need to remind them (and myself) that none of this is done perfectly every day; as a matter of fact it's RARELY done perfectly. Why? you may be thinking.... because we are emotional beings (aka: human) and that's just the way it is. That means, DCFS employees are human, attorney's and judges are human, foster/adoptive parents are human...and they are no different, certainly no better than the parents of children invovled with 'the system' (that could mean:DCFS, criminal justice, whatever). So, we learn to be patient, (with ourselves as well as others), we learn to be better today than we were yesterday and we encourage others to be better today than THEY were yesterday, too. Including abusive birth parents or spouses, including victims, including other service providers, including addicts...
I invite guest speakers to my classes as often as I can get them. Sometimes 7 out of 8 classes in a month, will have a guest speaker! Mostly, tho' I can arrange 4-5 guest speakers a month; but they share amazing stories of hope, forgiveness, courage, and transformations.

If you are thinking about becoming a foster(or adoptive) parent in Utah, get in touch with the Utah Foster Care Foundation (they have a great website: www.utahfostercare.org and a blog for more information)