I'm Ready To Cry

The past couple of weeks have brought about much change in my home, my head and the blood pumping organ in my chest. I have been working with my 7 yr olds' daddy to reunite her with him and it's getting close. But the neat thing is: since she's been having more frequent and longer visits her poor behaviors have almost diminished and her rages have subsided, her self destructiveness has disappeared and her affection has increased ten fold! She is hugging me more, she wants piggy back rides, she puts her hand on my leg when we sit close on the couch and just this afternoon she gave me three quick kisses on my cheek while we were visiting with her therapist.

I know I'm sometimes too much of an optimist, but I am so proud of the father, the child welfare system and the specific worker who is assigned to manage this case because we are beginning weekend visits this week! She will be picked up on Friday around 3p and returned Sunday evening. That's the last step before a 'trial home visit', which usually lasts 30 days and then the foster care portion will be complete. Hopefully, we will never again see this awesome survivor in 'the system' again. She'll have her forever family and I'll have my first child achieve permanency.

This little girl told her therapist today that she is tired of bouncing around from one house to another. She wants to live with her daddy forever and just visit me. I thought I was gonna cry. I am so proud that I've been a small branch in her family tree...that maybe I have encouraged that familial relationship to maintain it's strength...and that I have not been part of any type of sabotage to hurt the parent/child relationship. I, after all, am not in this position of being a foster parent to adopt...I am here to reunite if at all possible; and if not, then I want to help a child find a permanent home, a forever family.

My relationship with all four girls in my home continues to improve. If you know (or if I've said it in a previous blog entry), I can not have children of my own and I really wanted to have the parenting experience while I was still young enough and energetic enough...okay, and optimistic enough :) But I had no freaking idea what I was in for. So, when I say 'I'm ready to cry'...it's happy tears. I am beginning to feel the pang of separation and that means I have learned to attach to a child and to be less self-centered, and those things are all good.