For some reason our family has been the focus of three articles in two newspapers (the Provo Daily Herald and the Salt Lake Deseret News) in the last four months (including the third one, yesterday, 1-27-11)! This most recent article was to bring to Utah's attention that TEENAGERS are often overlooked when it comes to both fostering needs and permanency (adoption).
Some stereotypes I've heard about TEENS in foster care are: bad influence, criminals, perpetrators, trouble makers, truancy problems...just the tip of the iceberg. But what many fail to realize is that some of these TEENS did not enter the system as TEENAGERS, they entered while they were in elementary school (both of my teens fall into this category) and for a variety of reasons have not been able to find permanency either at home, with a relative, or with a foster family. Many of these kids enter the system because they have been abused and neglected (both of mine).
I was told just last week, by a caseworker who specializes in TEENS (TS) that 52% of our kids in custody, in the Western Region of Utah today are ages 14 and older (up to age 20). That is a sad story. Again, the two of mine were in that percentage until July (for Aubrianna) and Nov 2010 (for Sophie)when I offered permanency to them, through adoption.
I say it's a sad story because many new foster families only want little children; many would prefer ages 0-2 years...but let me list some of the benefits of having TEENAGERS:
1- no diaper changing
2- no waking up at god-forsaken hours during the night
3- they do their own laundry
4- you have live-in babysitters!
5- they bathe themselves and do their own hair
6- many know how to and enjoy cooking and baking
7- they can help you program and then re-program cell phones, remotes, dvr's, etc!
8- they sing in the truck
9- they help you remember to use your turn signal...all the time.
10- they can be dropped off at the mall and you can go to lunch with your spouse or friends!
11- they make fun of you when you listen to classic rock, or wear 'comfortable' shoes instead of trendy shoes.
12- they are real competition in Scrabble and card games
13- they will still cuddle with you (now and then) while watching tv
14- they come home totally frustrated with a friend who is now their enemy, and they want to know if I would be mad at them if they got suspended for fighting! (ooops, that shouldn't be on this list...)
I LOVE TEENAGERS!! Of course I know that not all TEENS will be funloving and responsible all the time...I wasn't, and my girls are not either. As a matter of fact, my 15 yr old asked me just last night 'why'd you do drugs when you were a teenager?' (heavy sigh)
Yes, they get mad at me, and mad at each other...and a few 'f' bombs have been dropped, and hair has been died black (with permission, you have to pick your battles, right?) and doors have been slammed and broken, but those moments are short lived and fewer and far between as the months progress.
They want what we all want: to belong. Please consider TEENAGERS as you contemplate fostering and or fostering towards adoption. Check out the Utah Foster Care Foundation website if you're in Utah: www.utahfostercare.org
4 comments:
I love you!! We have been foster parents for 4 years and heavenly gotten infant placements... crazy right?!? We are actively searching for a teenager to complete our crazy mix of family. I love your opinions.
Nancy, just had to tell you, what a darling post. You are simply darling and I thought you should know. :D
Thank you for saying it all. We aren't foster parents yet (still in the licensing process) but we really only want to foster/adopt teens out of foster care. Teens have a special place in our hearts and we are so anxious to get our first placement. We know that it won't be easy (we've worked with "troubled" teens in the past) and we know there will be a lot of ... stuff to work through. But we still can't wait! We feel like all the trials will certainly be worth it! Thank you again for being an ally of teens in foster care. They need families just as badly as the little babies need families.
We started one year ago and have adopted a sibling set of 3 kiddos and one more. We would love to do teens some day when our young ones grow up a bit. We love hearing what is going on with you. You taught all our licensing classes and we think you're awesome! :) I wish everyone could see that just because the parents make awful choices, the kids aren't awful. We love our abused and neglected kiddos. They are amazing, loving kids.
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