Utah takes good care of its foster parents. Each year they have something called a Facilitator Retreat, (and it's all paid for) for those foster parents who are Cluster Facilitators.
Let me explain who these Cluster Facilitators are: First of all a 'Cluster' is a geographical grouping of foster parents (for instance those who live in Eagle Mountain and Saratoga Springs are in the Crossroads Cluster, those who live in Provo and Orem are in the Central cluster); sometimes it's a specialized group of foster parents (like those who are kinship caregivers, or adoptive families, or Level 3 caregivers). Secondly, a 'facilitator' is a volunteer licensed foster parent who leads this group; they set up trainings, they keep in touch with other families, the regional trainer and retention specialist through emails and websites, and they offer support to newer licensed foster parents.
Because of that spirit of volunteerism, once a year in April, the Utah Foster Care Foundation provides a 1 and 1/2 day retreat/training for those facilitators and their spouses. The hours spent in training count as hours towards re-licensing requirements.
Today I sat in the audience while two state program directors (Tonya Albornoz and Marty Shannon) spoke about recent Legislative updates and the new assessment tool which DCFS is instigating (called Child and Adolescent Needs and Strengths assessment (CANS) for better placement and treatment decisions). Both ladies were open to input and were articulate in the direction the Division was headed. The UFCF also brought in a currently licensed set of foster parents, and one of the state trainers to speak on their areas of expertise. We learned together, we laughed together, and it was all covered by the generosity of the UFCF.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
The Art of Apologizing
My two oldest girls, FiBo and MiChi (pronounced Mitchee) were asked to participate on a panel of teens to talk about their experiences before, during and after foster care. It was a training specifically for licensed foster parents and it's usually held 2-3 times a year.
I had planned to go with them until 15-20 min before they left; then my youngest, Juby decided she didn't want to go, so I was going to stay home with her. FiBo drives so she took herself and MiChi to American Fork (about 20 miles north of our home).
When they arrived home I asked how it went and I got the typical teen, "fine" from both of them and thought nothing of it...until a few days later when the two facilitators of the training emailed me asking for an 'in-person meeting'.
Hmmmmm.....
The facilitators both showed up solemn affects...they sat in my office and looked at each other. One said, 'we just have to say it'.
Now my mind is racing...what the heck could be so bad? They went on to explain about the poor manners of both girls. They talked about them monopolizing the conversation, one of them ripping up her name tent and tossing pieces of it at her sister, both of the girls having a private conversation in sign language and whispers and one of them telling parts of MY STORY which was not hers to tell.
I was embarassed...i knew my co-worker was in her office and probably heard most of this. I always brag about my girls so this was a tough report to hear. I also was mad and disappointed. Mad that parts of my story were told...without permission and without editing...and that I was disrespected by my own two girls about letting me babysit their babys (when they have them) because they don't trust me with them! What was THAT about?
I really didn't know what to say to these two young ladies...the two facilitators who made this specific appointment with me to tell me what a distraction my girls were, and probably really killed the spirit of the training with their antics...and also with MY TWO young ladies, who now needed a scolding and guidance.
As I drove home I said a little prayer. I wanted to be firm and serious, but I wanted to hear their point of view and make this a learning experience as well. FiBo had texted me about when I would be home...I texted her "Soon, and we have to talk." She asked "Is it serious?" and I replied "Yes.". (Later she told me that when she saw 'yes.' with a period after it, she knew it was serious! Kind of funny how little things like that make an impression)
I walked in the front door and both FiBo and MiChi were in the kitchen waiting for me. I mentioned that the two facilitators from their Teen Panel presentation last week met with me today. I asked them if they could figure out why they'd want to talk to me in person. Both replied that they didn't know. I then went down the list of things that the facilitators mentioned to me and they were quiet. Once or twice they said, 'we were just kidding!' (the part about not wanting me to babysit their kids), but I told them it wasn't received like they thought it was. I told them that apologies are going to be written to both facilitators. I have not had to really 'discipline' my 17 yr old in a long time (FiBo), so it was hard for her to hear my disappointment, and for her to admit she had poor judgment that night. I told them they probably won't sit on the same teen panels anymore, at least for a while....and when they do, I will be in attendance next time.
Simultaneously to this conversation, MiChi was getting ready to go to Las Vegas for a 3-day Choir field trip. I had to get her back to school by 3:00p...it was 2:40 as we were finishing up our conversation. FiBo sat in the living room and began her 45 min of reading (a normal after school requirement) and MiChi ran downstairs to get her things for her trip (which luckily she packed the night before). I leaned down to FiBo and hugged her head and kissed her forehead. I told her I love her and I'd be back in a few minutes.
MiChi wanted to drive. I let her. I was quiet during most of the trip back to Provo High. I didn't want to ruin MiChi's trip any more with a lecture. She must have apologized 3-4 times in the 3 mile drive. I told her, "let's forget about it for now. I want you to have a good time on your field trip." I squeezed her shoulder once or twice as she drove. When we got to the school, she said, 'Hey, let's take my first picture of the trip with me and you!". so, we posed together and she took the picture. She hugged me and skipped off with her things and I told her I loved her. Actually, she said it first, this time.
Sounds like a good place to end this story, but there is one more paragraph that needs to be told. About a week later, when emotions had settled, I had two cards sitting on the kitchen table when they got home from school. I reminded them that it's time to write their apology notes. They both sat down. One said, 'Can't we just call them and say we're sorry?" I said, "No, this is a good time to learn the art of apologizing." They both wrote their notes, when FiBo gave me hers to read I had to ask her to re-write most of it. Yes, she had said she was sorry for her behaviors, but she never listed what the behaviors were. I told her it is important to own your specific poor choices of that evening. She was not happy with me, but she did it. I re-read it and it was much better. They addressed the envelopes, stamped them and we mailed them the next morning.
Damn, it's hard to be a parent of teenagers. But you know what I think? I think they were just being teenagers! I think they were happy to be out without supervision, in a cool truck, sitting on a panel...probably showing off a little. I think they spoke without thinking (teen girls that speak without thinking is pretty normal, right?!!?) and never thought that they were being perceived so poorly. I love my girls very much. Sometimes I just want to hold and cuddle them forever. And just to keep this all in perspective...I get way more good reports about them, than reports like this. I just had to tell you, though...
I had planned to go with them until 15-20 min before they left; then my youngest, Juby decided she didn't want to go, so I was going to stay home with her. FiBo drives so she took herself and MiChi to American Fork (about 20 miles north of our home).
When they arrived home I asked how it went and I got the typical teen, "fine" from both of them and thought nothing of it...until a few days later when the two facilitators of the training emailed me asking for an 'in-person meeting'.
Hmmmmm.....
The facilitators both showed up solemn affects...they sat in my office and looked at each other. One said, 'we just have to say it'.
Now my mind is racing...what the heck could be so bad? They went on to explain about the poor manners of both girls. They talked about them monopolizing the conversation, one of them ripping up her name tent and tossing pieces of it at her sister, both of the girls having a private conversation in sign language and whispers and one of them telling parts of MY STORY which was not hers to tell.
I was embarassed...i knew my co-worker was in her office and probably heard most of this. I always brag about my girls so this was a tough report to hear. I also was mad and disappointed. Mad that parts of my story were told...without permission and without editing...and that I was disrespected by my own two girls about letting me babysit their babys (when they have them) because they don't trust me with them! What was THAT about?
I really didn't know what to say to these two young ladies...the two facilitators who made this specific appointment with me to tell me what a distraction my girls were, and probably really killed the spirit of the training with their antics...and also with MY TWO young ladies, who now needed a scolding and guidance.
As I drove home I said a little prayer. I wanted to be firm and serious, but I wanted to hear their point of view and make this a learning experience as well. FiBo had texted me about when I would be home...I texted her "Soon, and we have to talk." She asked "Is it serious?" and I replied "Yes.". (Later she told me that when she saw 'yes.' with a period after it, she knew it was serious! Kind of funny how little things like that make an impression)
I walked in the front door and both FiBo and MiChi were in the kitchen waiting for me. I mentioned that the two facilitators from their Teen Panel presentation last week met with me today. I asked them if they could figure out why they'd want to talk to me in person. Both replied that they didn't know. I then went down the list of things that the facilitators mentioned to me and they were quiet. Once or twice they said, 'we were just kidding!' (the part about not wanting me to babysit their kids), but I told them it wasn't received like they thought it was. I told them that apologies are going to be written to both facilitators. I have not had to really 'discipline' my 17 yr old in a long time (FiBo), so it was hard for her to hear my disappointment, and for her to admit she had poor judgment that night. I told them they probably won't sit on the same teen panels anymore, at least for a while....and when they do, I will be in attendance next time.
Simultaneously to this conversation, MiChi was getting ready to go to Las Vegas for a 3-day Choir field trip. I had to get her back to school by 3:00p...it was 2:40 as we were finishing up our conversation. FiBo sat in the living room and began her 45 min of reading (a normal after school requirement) and MiChi ran downstairs to get her things for her trip (which luckily she packed the night before). I leaned down to FiBo and hugged her head and kissed her forehead. I told her I love her and I'd be back in a few minutes.
MiChi wanted to drive. I let her. I was quiet during most of the trip back to Provo High. I didn't want to ruin MiChi's trip any more with a lecture. She must have apologized 3-4 times in the 3 mile drive. I told her, "let's forget about it for now. I want you to have a good time on your field trip." I squeezed her shoulder once or twice as she drove. When we got to the school, she said, 'Hey, let's take my first picture of the trip with me and you!". so, we posed together and she took the picture. She hugged me and skipped off with her things and I told her I loved her. Actually, she said it first, this time.
Sounds like a good place to end this story, but there is one more paragraph that needs to be told. About a week later, when emotions had settled, I had two cards sitting on the kitchen table when they got home from school. I reminded them that it's time to write their apology notes. They both sat down. One said, 'Can't we just call them and say we're sorry?" I said, "No, this is a good time to learn the art of apologizing." They both wrote their notes, when FiBo gave me hers to read I had to ask her to re-write most of it. Yes, she had said she was sorry for her behaviors, but she never listed what the behaviors were. I told her it is important to own your specific poor choices of that evening. She was not happy with me, but she did it. I re-read it and it was much better. They addressed the envelopes, stamped them and we mailed them the next morning.
Damn, it's hard to be a parent of teenagers. But you know what I think? I think they were just being teenagers! I think they were happy to be out without supervision, in a cool truck, sitting on a panel...probably showing off a little. I think they spoke without thinking (teen girls that speak without thinking is pretty normal, right?!!?) and never thought that they were being perceived so poorly. I love my girls very much. Sometimes I just want to hold and cuddle them forever. And just to keep this all in perspective...I get way more good reports about them, than reports like this. I just had to tell you, though...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A Good Laugh!
So, i walk in the door from church today and my 17 yr old jumps up, meets me at the door, hugs me and says "it took you long enough!" (to get home). And I feel quite loved. Then I ascend the stairs and she asks me what is in the glass in the bathroom? I said, I didn't know. (I am now in my bedroom to change from Sunday dress to jeans).
"Is it beer?", one of them shouts to me...
"NO !".
"Is it urine?", the other one shouts...
"NO!",
"Well, it's the color of beer and urine, what's in it, we can't figure it out?! And it kinda smells like urine..."
I exit my room, peek into the bathroom as I walk towards them...
These girls know I am a Diet Coke fanatic. Yet this thought never occured to them. I guess it's more fun to think of what wild idea it could have been. And I smile as I mentally picture them sniffing the glass, maybe one daring the other to take a sip. HA!
I explaned that I had poured a glass of Diet Coke this morning while I was doing a little bit (a very little bit) of makeup and I had left the glass with a small amount of Diet Coke and some ice in the bathroom...the ice melted so it was a goldish color instead of brown like undiluted Diet Coke! Then in unison, my 15 and 17 yr old sighed, "Ohhhhhhhh!"
Oh yeah, I had a good laugh over that one! Then I went in to the bathroom, picked up the glass, took back the first answer and said, "you were right, it is urine, I was doing a pregnancy test. (and I gulped it down)."
Then in unison, "GROOOSSSSSSSS!" Another good laugh.
I love teenagers!
"Is it beer?", one of them shouts to me...
"NO !".
"Is it urine?", the other one shouts...
"NO!",
"Well, it's the color of beer and urine, what's in it, we can't figure it out?! And it kinda smells like urine..."
I exit my room, peek into the bathroom as I walk towards them...
These girls know I am a Diet Coke fanatic. Yet this thought never occured to them. I guess it's more fun to think of what wild idea it could have been. And I smile as I mentally picture them sniffing the glass, maybe one daring the other to take a sip. HA!
I explaned that I had poured a glass of Diet Coke this morning while I was doing a little bit (a very little bit) of makeup and I had left the glass with a small amount of Diet Coke and some ice in the bathroom...the ice melted so it was a goldish color instead of brown like undiluted Diet Coke! Then in unison, my 15 and 17 yr old sighed, "Ohhhhhhhh!"
Oh yeah, I had a good laugh over that one! Then I went in to the bathroom, picked up the glass, took back the first answer and said, "you were right, it is urine, I was doing a pregnancy test. (and I gulped it down)."
Then in unison, "GROOOSSSSSSSS!" Another good laugh.
I love teenagers!
Friday, January 28, 2011
TeenAgers!
For some reason our family has been the focus of three articles in two newspapers (the Provo Daily Herald and the Salt Lake Deseret News) in the last four months (including the third one, yesterday, 1-27-11)! This most recent article was to bring to Utah's attention that TEENAGERS are often overlooked when it comes to both fostering needs and permanency (adoption).
Some stereotypes I've heard about TEENS in foster care are: bad influence, criminals, perpetrators, trouble makers, truancy problems...just the tip of the iceberg. But what many fail to realize is that some of these TEENS did not enter the system as TEENAGERS, they entered while they were in elementary school (both of my teens fall into this category) and for a variety of reasons have not been able to find permanency either at home, with a relative, or with a foster family. Many of these kids enter the system because they have been abused and neglected (both of mine).
I was told just last week, by a caseworker who specializes in TEENS (TS) that 52% of our kids in custody, in the Western Region of Utah today are ages 14 and older (up to age 20). That is a sad story. Again, the two of mine were in that percentage until July (for Aubrianna) and Nov 2010 (for Sophie)when I offered permanency to them, through adoption.
I say it's a sad story because many new foster families only want little children; many would prefer ages 0-2 years...but let me list some of the benefits of having TEENAGERS:
1- no diaper changing
2- no waking up at god-forsaken hours during the night
3- they do their own laundry
4- you have live-in babysitters!
5- they bathe themselves and do their own hair
6- many know how to and enjoy cooking and baking
7- they can help you program and then re-program cell phones, remotes, dvr's, etc!
8- they sing in the truck
9- they help you remember to use your turn signal...all the time.
10- they can be dropped off at the mall and you can go to lunch with your spouse or friends!
11- they make fun of you when you listen to classic rock, or wear 'comfortable' shoes instead of trendy shoes.
12- they are real competition in Scrabble and card games
13- they will still cuddle with you (now and then) while watching tv
14- they come home totally frustrated with a friend who is now their enemy, and they want to know if I would be mad at them if they got suspended for fighting! (ooops, that shouldn't be on this list...)
I LOVE TEENAGERS!! Of course I know that not all TEENS will be funloving and responsible all the time...I wasn't, and my girls are not either. As a matter of fact, my 15 yr old asked me just last night 'why'd you do drugs when you were a teenager?' (heavy sigh)
Yes, they get mad at me, and mad at each other...and a few 'f' bombs have been dropped, and hair has been died black (with permission, you have to pick your battles, right?) and doors have been slammed and broken, but those moments are short lived and fewer and far between as the months progress.
They want what we all want: to belong. Please consider TEENAGERS as you contemplate fostering and or fostering towards adoption. Check out the Utah Foster Care Foundation website if you're in Utah: www.utahfostercare.org
Some stereotypes I've heard about TEENS in foster care are: bad influence, criminals, perpetrators, trouble makers, truancy problems...just the tip of the iceberg. But what many fail to realize is that some of these TEENS did not enter the system as TEENAGERS, they entered while they were in elementary school (both of my teens fall into this category) and for a variety of reasons have not been able to find permanency either at home, with a relative, or with a foster family. Many of these kids enter the system because they have been abused and neglected (both of mine).
I was told just last week, by a caseworker who specializes in TEENS (TS) that 52% of our kids in custody, in the Western Region of Utah today are ages 14 and older (up to age 20). That is a sad story. Again, the two of mine were in that percentage until July (for Aubrianna) and Nov 2010 (for Sophie)when I offered permanency to them, through adoption.
I say it's a sad story because many new foster families only want little children; many would prefer ages 0-2 years...but let me list some of the benefits of having TEENAGERS:
1- no diaper changing
2- no waking up at god-forsaken hours during the night
3- they do their own laundry
4- you have live-in babysitters!
5- they bathe themselves and do their own hair
6- many know how to and enjoy cooking and baking
7- they can help you program and then re-program cell phones, remotes, dvr's, etc!
8- they sing in the truck
9- they help you remember to use your turn signal...all the time.
10- they can be dropped off at the mall and you can go to lunch with your spouse or friends!
11- they make fun of you when you listen to classic rock, or wear 'comfortable' shoes instead of trendy shoes.
12- they are real competition in Scrabble and card games
13- they will still cuddle with you (now and then) while watching tv
14- they come home totally frustrated with a friend who is now their enemy, and they want to know if I would be mad at them if they got suspended for fighting! (ooops, that shouldn't be on this list...)
I LOVE TEENAGERS!! Of course I know that not all TEENS will be funloving and responsible all the time...I wasn't, and my girls are not either. As a matter of fact, my 15 yr old asked me just last night 'why'd you do drugs when you were a teenager?' (heavy sigh)
Yes, they get mad at me, and mad at each other...and a few 'f' bombs have been dropped, and hair has been died black (with permission, you have to pick your battles, right?) and doors have been slammed and broken, but those moments are short lived and fewer and far between as the months progress.
They want what we all want: to belong. Please consider TEENAGERS as you contemplate fostering and or fostering towards adoption. Check out the Utah Foster Care Foundation website if you're in Utah: www.utahfostercare.org
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
TRUST YOUR MOTHER
A week ago the four of us went to meet our new Primary Care Physician. My 17 yr old daughter, Aubrianna, wanted a female doctor and didn't want to go to her pediatrician anymore. I found someone I thought she'd like. I made appointments for three of us to get our FLU shots, two of them to get their Gardasil shot, and all of us to meet the doctor.
As my 11 yr old (Aubri's youngest sibling) sat on the paper covered exam bed, her anxiety began to grow. She began to whine and hold/cover her upper arms with her own hands. I thought she was kidding. I may even have verbally reprimanded her. But as the nurse approached my youngest girl with the needle, Aubri stood up and stood right in front of her little sister. She leaned in and they touched foreheads. Aubri held her hands and told her to "just look at me, it'll be over in a minute". Even though her sister whined and tried to pull away from the nurse, Aubrianna knew just what to do. She was comforting and attentive and motherly. I, on the other hand, sat and watched and soaked it in. Yes, I was a little embarassed that I didn't think to do that. But my embarassment turned to awe as I saw my daughter (who has been her sisters mom for close to 11 years) nurture and calm her sister.
I've heard many caseworkers and even therapists recommend that siblings be separated if there are 'parenting issues' or if one of the children is 'parentified'. They say things like, 'it's in the oldest childs best interest', 'it will give them a chance to be a kid'. But my oldest daughter has only lived with me a year and a day...the trust is growing, but it's not at it's pinacle yet. She has a decade more parenting experience than I do (sadly for both of us) and her little sister TRUSTS her. That is the real point, isn't it?
When I earn the trust of my girls, I will be earning the title of MOTHER. As I learn the skills of mothering, I will earn the title of MOM. Oh, yeah...
As my 11 yr old (Aubri's youngest sibling) sat on the paper covered exam bed, her anxiety began to grow. She began to whine and hold/cover her upper arms with her own hands. I thought she was kidding. I may even have verbally reprimanded her. But as the nurse approached my youngest girl with the needle, Aubri stood up and stood right in front of her little sister. She leaned in and they touched foreheads. Aubri held her hands and told her to "just look at me, it'll be over in a minute". Even though her sister whined and tried to pull away from the nurse, Aubrianna knew just what to do. She was comforting and attentive and motherly. I, on the other hand, sat and watched and soaked it in. Yes, I was a little embarassed that I didn't think to do that. But my embarassment turned to awe as I saw my daughter (who has been her sisters mom for close to 11 years) nurture and calm her sister.
I've heard many caseworkers and even therapists recommend that siblings be separated if there are 'parenting issues' or if one of the children is 'parentified'. They say things like, 'it's in the oldest childs best interest', 'it will give them a chance to be a kid'. But my oldest daughter has only lived with me a year and a day...the trust is growing, but it's not at it's pinacle yet. She has a decade more parenting experience than I do (sadly for both of us) and her little sister TRUSTS her. That is the real point, isn't it?
When I earn the trust of my girls, I will be earning the title of MOTHER. As I learn the skills of mothering, I will earn the title of MOM. Oh, yeah...
I'm so proud....
The past two nights my girls have shared parts of their stories with both 'potential' foster parents (those still in training and waiting for their background checks) and tonight, with licensed foster parents. They share funny stories about things happening in our lives and they share the sad, scary and abusive stuff that happened to them before they came into states custody, as well as the culture-shocky experiences as they transitioned from home to home.
Why did these girls come to my home? We have such an interesting history which goes back five years. Why are their parents willing to have a relationship with me? Why is it getting so comfortable between us all? What does God have planned for us?
My girls are SURVIVORS! Every child who enters the foster care system has survived abuse and neglect serious enough to be removed from their caregivers. Yet they are blessed with talents, intelligence, wisdom, articulate expression, humor and many other gifts. I love them today more than I did yesterday; and I can hardly wait till tomorrow!
Why did these girls come to my home? We have such an interesting history which goes back five years. Why are their parents willing to have a relationship with me? Why is it getting so comfortable between us all? What does God have planned for us?
My girls are SURVIVORS! Every child who enters the foster care system has survived abuse and neglect serious enough to be removed from their caregivers. Yet they are blessed with talents, intelligence, wisdom, articulate expression, humor and many other gifts. I love them today more than I did yesterday; and I can hardly wait till tomorrow!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Farewell to Kelly Glasser ....Guardian ad Litem
Kelly and her husband Joe died in a tragic kayaking accident in Utah over the weekend. I didn't know much about her on a personal level but I worked with her for many years as she represented DCFS children who are in foster care. She had a carefree laugh and along with her long, loose, curly hair those two things symbolized her attitude about life.
Kelly also represented my two daughters in court just weeks ago; they have been on her caseload since the day they entered care 5 years ago. I will have to share with them, today also, of our great loss.
"Guardian ad Litem" is a Latin term meaning, 'Guardian of the child'...she did it in her profession of attorney, and I'm positive she will continue in this work on the other side. May God bless with comfort her family and friends during this unexpected loss (and recovery). I love you Kelli.
Kelly also represented my two daughters in court just weeks ago; they have been on her caseload since the day they entered care 5 years ago. I will have to share with them, today also, of our great loss.
"Guardian ad Litem" is a Latin term meaning, 'Guardian of the child'...she did it in her profession of attorney, and I'm positive she will continue in this work on the other side. May God bless with comfort her family and friends during this unexpected loss (and recovery). I love you Kelli.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Adoption Day
The morning of our adoption, Aubrianna and I decided we didn't have a thing to wear! We rushed to the mall and we both found something we liked. We get home with about 90 minutes to get ready...and really that was plenty of time. Then the phone rings: it's Aubrianna's mom and she wants a ride to the court house to be there during the adoption! I was glad she decided to attend; "Of course we can pick you up!", I declared. On the way to court, we had time for a short ten or fifteen minute discussion about Aubrianna's birth (she weighed 6 lb 7 oz and was 18 1/2" long), her first word (mommy), her age when she walked (12 months). I never would have known these things if I had not cultivated a relationship with her. Even though there are days I am jealous of her (yes, it's true)...today was not one of those days. Today was all about Aubri gaining a forever family. I will be that for her.
Many friends joined us at the courthouse that afternoon. We videotaped a little bit, we took some pictures...small congratulatory gifts were exchanged. By 2:30 we were in the court room. I've known this judge about 15 years. She had me introduce everyone in the room; I proudly did so.
About mid-way through the quiet time of the judge reading the post-adoptive report, I heard crying behind me. It was Aubri's mom; I knew this would be tough for her. I handed her a box of Kleenex. I grasped her hand and squeezed it. Then I had to hug her. I whispered, 'thank you' to her and she whispered the same thing back to me. We held each other tight for maybe 30 seconds. It wouldn't be the only time she would cry today....
See, about 3 years ago when Aubrianna's mom signed away her parental rights she was not in a very healthy place in life. She did not have a permanent place to live or a regular income; but her life today was different. She's had the same job for 30 months,and she's lived in the same apartment for 15 months. That is enough to show me that she is maturing and settling down. She is not a safety risk to her/my/OUR girls.
The next court activity was to bang the gavel and declare the adoption legal. The judge has an oversized gavel especially for adoption days. My soon-to-be daughter took the gavel in both hands (it's about 3 feet long) and banged it on the wooden block and declared "My new name is Aubrianna Lynnea Zelenak". Pictures were snapped, those in attendance clapped and smiled. The judge asked if anyone else would like to hit the gavel and the first one up was Aubri's mom.
Initially, I thought, she wants to be funny, so she's gonna hit the gavel. But as I thought about it, I don't think that's what she 'planned' to do. I don't think 'funny' had anything to do with it. I think she wanted to tell me that she also approves of this adoption and her hitting the gavel on the block was to say, "I approve and accept this decision". That was the most supportive thing she could have done. I wonder if Aubrianna thought this?
We couldn't take Aubri's birth mom home because we had celebratory plans at Red Lobster. I thought about her a lot that day and evening hoping she was emotionally okay.
I also didn't just adopt Aubrianna that day, I adopted more than that, I adopted her history, her culture, her ancestors. We are all linked. If you can picture the grafting of a healthy branch into a healthier tree, well, that's one way to look at it. But what I did, was to cut her family tree vertically down to include her roots and we are grafting that into the trunk of my tree. Her roots will mingle with mine and we will grow as a family - two families, to begin with.... :)
Many friends joined us at the courthouse that afternoon. We videotaped a little bit, we took some pictures...small congratulatory gifts were exchanged. By 2:30 we were in the court room. I've known this judge about 15 years. She had me introduce everyone in the room; I proudly did so.
About mid-way through the quiet time of the judge reading the post-adoptive report, I heard crying behind me. It was Aubri's mom; I knew this would be tough for her. I handed her a box of Kleenex. I grasped her hand and squeezed it. Then I had to hug her. I whispered, 'thank you' to her and she whispered the same thing back to me. We held each other tight for maybe 30 seconds. It wouldn't be the only time she would cry today....
See, about 3 years ago when Aubrianna's mom signed away her parental rights she was not in a very healthy place in life. She did not have a permanent place to live or a regular income; but her life today was different. She's had the same job for 30 months,and she's lived in the same apartment for 15 months. That is enough to show me that she is maturing and settling down. She is not a safety risk to her/my/OUR girls.
The next court activity was to bang the gavel and declare the adoption legal. The judge has an oversized gavel especially for adoption days. My soon-to-be daughter took the gavel in both hands (it's about 3 feet long) and banged it on the wooden block and declared "My new name is Aubrianna Lynnea Zelenak". Pictures were snapped, those in attendance clapped and smiled. The judge asked if anyone else would like to hit the gavel and the first one up was Aubri's mom.
Initially, I thought, she wants to be funny, so she's gonna hit the gavel. But as I thought about it, I don't think that's what she 'planned' to do. I don't think 'funny' had anything to do with it. I think she wanted to tell me that she also approves of this adoption and her hitting the gavel on the block was to say, "I approve and accept this decision". That was the most supportive thing she could have done. I wonder if Aubrianna thought this?
We couldn't take Aubri's birth mom home because we had celebratory plans at Red Lobster. I thought about her a lot that day and evening hoping she was emotionally okay.
I also didn't just adopt Aubrianna that day, I adopted more than that, I adopted her history, her culture, her ancestors. We are all linked. If you can picture the grafting of a healthy branch into a healthier tree, well, that's one way to look at it. But what I did, was to cut her family tree vertically down to include her roots and we are grafting that into the trunk of my tree. Her roots will mingle with mine and we will grow as a family - two families, to begin with.... :)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
It's a Girl!
I can hardly believe I haven't posted my adoption announcement yet! I'm due on: July 20th at 2:00pm and it's a girl! She's 5 weeks from being 17 yrs old. She is an avid reader and she LOVES Michael Jackson! This week she got her learners permit! We figured out just today that it will be 9 months and 1 day since she moved in with me, that the adoption will take place. I ordered the 'it's a girl' announcements and they should be here within 2 weeks. Watch your mail! One benefit I'm really looking forward to after the adoption, is POSTING PICTURES! We're not allowed to do that while our kids are still in foster care...it's a safety/confidentiality issue.
My parents are thrilled to be able to dote on another grand daughter! My brother is going to be an 'uncle' for the first time. I turned 50 last week and I'm going to be a mother for the first time!
My 'daughter-to-be' wants to invite her birth mom to our adoption. I hope she'll come. As long as she remains healthy, she can be as active a part in our life as my (our) daughter wants her to be.
My parents are thrilled to be able to dote on another grand daughter! My brother is going to be an 'uncle' for the first time. I turned 50 last week and I'm going to be a mother for the first time!
My 'daughter-to-be' wants to invite her birth mom to our adoption. I hope she'll come. As long as she remains healthy, she can be as active a part in our life as my (our) daughter wants her to be.
One Step Closer to Oprah...
I've emailed the Oprah people at least twice in the past 2 years about an amazing story of two ladies; in the hopes they'd be guests and share their story. I also emailed the editor of Wasatch Woman magazine in August 2009. Last week she called me and wanted to know more about the idea I had for their article "Families That Work" to come out this coming August. After a couple of calls and emails the appointment was set up to meet with A. and S. (the two ladies who share their story of forgivenes and co-parenting after beating the odds of hate and anger). The writer assigned is named Jamie, she's a freelance writer.
We're all excited to see the story, even tho' it was only allocated 600 words. I asked her to ask her editor for another 600, to really do the story some justice. We'll see. I told her I also planned to send her story to Oprah, and to "make it good!"
I've got the third draft of a screenplay completed (telling this same story) but I'm stuck. I have no literary agent and don't know where to proceed from here. Maybe the Wasatch Woman article will get us one step closer to BIG TIME publicity! Maybe one of you readers will be able to steer me in the right direction?
We're all excited to see the story, even tho' it was only allocated 600 words. I asked her to ask her editor for another 600, to really do the story some justice. We'll see. I told her I also planned to send her story to Oprah, and to "make it good!"
I've got the third draft of a screenplay completed (telling this same story) but I'm stuck. I have no literary agent and don't know where to proceed from here. Maybe the Wasatch Woman article will get us one step closer to BIG TIME publicity! Maybe one of you readers will be able to steer me in the right direction?
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Inner Conflict of Name Changing at Adoption
My most recent placement is a 15 yr old girl, 1/2 polynesian 1/2 white. She has not had a lot of extended family interaction in the past couple of years. She moved into my home the first week of May (1 month today, actually!) and we've visited her mom 4 times, and her dad 2x...she's played a family football game and been to a big brothers high school graduation party.
She was moved to my home specifically to be adopted because for the past 4 years no one else would legally commit to her. I'm committing. So, she talks to me now and then about not wanting to change her last name to mine, because hers is Samoan...it is her culture; she LOOKS LIKE her last name. And I would say to her, "okay, that's fine. There's no law that says you HAVE TO take my last name when I adopt you."
A few nights ago, when she returned from a family football game, she said, "it felt so good to be surrounded by my family, I thought 'this is my family'". I could feel the comfort in her voice. Upon my daughters return, I met an Auntie of hers, a woman who obviously loves and adores my girl...I welcomed her into our home and we visited a while. She almost was crying because I trusted her to take my girl for a visit and trusted her to bring her back. Sometimes you just get a feeling about people, dontcha? This lady is the goods. She looks you in the eye when she talks to you, she DID pick up and drop off on time. I am more apt to say 'sure, take her again!' when the opportunity arises. And the cousins!!! So many cousins!!! LOL!
Last night she told me she would like to hyphenate our two names when it comes time to be adopted, to keep her own and to add mine. I asked her why she wants to do that and she said, 'i want to feel like I belong to your family'. Wow...that was brave and insightful of her. I told her whatever she decides, I'll support.
It also will not be surprising if we have this conversation 15 more times before mid-November...which is when we'd like to finalize the adoption. I can not imagine what I would have felt when I was 15 and had a decision like this in front of me. My girls are amazing survivors...tough little gals with big hearts and big conflicts...'which family do I belong to?' 'can I belong to more than one?'
She was moved to my home specifically to be adopted because for the past 4 years no one else would legally commit to her. I'm committing. So, she talks to me now and then about not wanting to change her last name to mine, because hers is Samoan...it is her culture; she LOOKS LIKE her last name. And I would say to her, "okay, that's fine. There's no law that says you HAVE TO take my last name when I adopt you."
A few nights ago, when she returned from a family football game, she said, "it felt so good to be surrounded by my family, I thought 'this is my family'". I could feel the comfort in her voice. Upon my daughters return, I met an Auntie of hers, a woman who obviously loves and adores my girl...I welcomed her into our home and we visited a while. She almost was crying because I trusted her to take my girl for a visit and trusted her to bring her back. Sometimes you just get a feeling about people, dontcha? This lady is the goods. She looks you in the eye when she talks to you, she DID pick up and drop off on time. I am more apt to say 'sure, take her again!' when the opportunity arises. And the cousins!!! So many cousins!!! LOL!
Last night she told me she would like to hyphenate our two names when it comes time to be adopted, to keep her own and to add mine. I asked her why she wants to do that and she said, 'i want to feel like I belong to your family'. Wow...that was brave and insightful of her. I told her whatever she decides, I'll support.
It also will not be surprising if we have this conversation 15 more times before mid-November...which is when we'd like to finalize the adoption. I can not imagine what I would have felt when I was 15 and had a decision like this in front of me. My girls are amazing survivors...tough little gals with big hearts and big conflicts...'which family do I belong to?' 'can I belong to more than one?'
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A Truely Family Friendly Employer
Just a public thank you to my immediate boss, Mick, and our CEO, Kelly for approving my request to work from home during June, July and August while 'my girls' are out of school. This will allow me to not only be a more hands-on parent for them, but to do some of the many other mom-duties needed during the summer ("can you take us to the pool today?", "we want to go to the library!", "I don't want to ride my bike to work today..." and on and on, right?)
Thank you UTAH FOSTER CARE FOUNDATION for your flexibility with my single parenting of these great girls!
Thank you UTAH FOSTER CARE FOUNDATION for your flexibility with my single parenting of these great girls!
OMG- She Really Can Sing!!
The newest addition to our family is 15 yrs old. She has been in Bella Voce (an advanced choir group)at Orem Jr High (in Utah) her 9th grade year. She wanted to audition for the Advanced Women's choir at her new high school. We met the Provo High choir teacher (Mrs Garrett) at an end-of-year choir BBQ last week. Yesterday, 5-25-10 at 4:20p she auditioned and was accepted as an alto, in that Advanced Women's choir! I was so proud of her for her bravery and confidence (both of which she argues with me that she has none of...). So, less than a minute after returning to my truck as we're pulling out of the high school parking lot, she asks, "Can I call my mom?" I said, handing her my cell phone, 'of course you can!'.
Then she shared the news with her mom...she excitedly shared the play-by-play of her audition, ending with, "And she told me right there that: I'm IN!!" then she called 'grandma' (my mom), repeating almost verbatim the first story. During both calls she had a big smile on her face (which I interpreted as the praise from both of these great ladies).
I wish I had the money to rent a piano for her. She plays and writes songs besides being a singer. AND...she wants to try out for softball and volleyball next fall! Why would anyone NOT want to foster/adopt a teen??
Then she shared the news with her mom...she excitedly shared the play-by-play of her audition, ending with, "And she told me right there that: I'm IN!!" then she called 'grandma' (my mom), repeating almost verbatim the first story. During both calls she had a big smile on her face (which I interpreted as the praise from both of these great ladies).
I wish I had the money to rent a piano for her. She plays and writes songs besides being a singer. AND...she wants to try out for softball and volleyball next fall! Why would anyone NOT want to foster/adopt a teen??
Now I'm Having A Good Day!
It was the culmination of a season of Celebrity-Apprentice-watching with my 16 yr old. The contest ended last Sunday night with a 2 hr live showing, hosted by 'the Donald'...about 10pm. And all season we were rooting for one of 3 singer celebrities. Our man (Brett Michaels) WON! And the first words out of her mouth were: YES! (visualize a fist pump here!) Now, I'm having a good day!! And I just had to laugh to myself. We had already had a really fun Sunday...but when Brett won Celebrity Apprentice, that was the icing on her Sunday cake! Teens are awesome, aren't they?
Monday, May 17, 2010
A New Addition...
She is 15years old. She is experiencing grief and loss...as she transitions from what was promised to be an adoptive, forever family...but turned into just another pit stop on the way to my home. She is angry: she is also in an anger management group for about 6 weeks...3 days a week. I don't blame her for feeling angry...she's been rejected again. And from what she's told me, she's been in a strict living environment, run by a German grandmother, not really by the foster mom.
As I dropped her off at school one day this week, I said, 'see you at quattro!", she said, 'why do you speak spanish, you're white?!"...with a little animosity. Then later, when I was picking her up from anger mgmt group, as she got into the truck, I pointed out the sneakers of one of the girls and said, "i love those sneakers!" and she said, 'what kind of people look at other people's feet?" She is angry with the system, her caseworker, her last foster mom who wouldn't give her a forever home, and with me for offering to give her a forever home. This little gal is conflicted. I really feel for her.
It is a prayer of mine that I will be a positive influence in her life. I will be a grafted-in branch of her family tree. I will support her relationships with her siblings and her birth parents, as long as it's safe, and I can almost assure safety in any visit I am supervising. Not that I am fool-proof, but I understand that safety is relative, especially in regards to relatives.
I love teenagers! God bless teenagers! Especially the ones in my house....
As I dropped her off at school one day this week, I said, 'see you at quattro!", she said, 'why do you speak spanish, you're white?!"...with a little animosity. Then later, when I was picking her up from anger mgmt group, as she got into the truck, I pointed out the sneakers of one of the girls and said, "i love those sneakers!" and she said, 'what kind of people look at other people's feet?" She is angry with the system, her caseworker, her last foster mom who wouldn't give her a forever home, and with me for offering to give her a forever home. This little gal is conflicted. I really feel for her.
It is a prayer of mine that I will be a positive influence in her life. I will be a grafted-in branch of her family tree. I will support her relationships with her siblings and her birth parents, as long as it's safe, and I can almost assure safety in any visit I am supervising. Not that I am fool-proof, but I understand that safety is relative, especially in regards to relatives.
I love teenagers! God bless teenagers! Especially the ones in my house....
A Sweet 90 minutes! (our Mother's Day visit)
A sweet 90 minutes...that's what the visit was with the birth mom of two of my girls. I went in alone at first, to remind their birth mom of appropriate behavior and conversation. Nothing inappropriate EVER came up. As soon as the girls walked in to her apartment the three of them hugged and held on to each other for about a full minute. I took a picture that I will cherish forever. I gave a copy to each of the girls and made a 5x7 which is framed in our living room. We gave their birth mom the pictures we took of all the siblings, she loves them. There was soda and treats and a balloon fight, feline games and snuggling on the couch, reminiscing. 90 minutes of sweetness. I do not regret that visit. I am proud of the girls and their mom for their open hearts. There is a love in this relationship that I will never know, a deep, loyal love that only is known and shared between by a birth parent and her children.
I am hoping I gave this family a forever memory. I want to have openness in this upcoming adoption; if it will be safe for the girls they deserve root-full connections.
May God continue to bless the Utah foster care system.
I am hoping I gave this family a forever memory. I want to have openness in this upcoming adoption; if it will be safe for the girls they deserve root-full connections.
May God continue to bless the Utah foster care system.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
It's almost Mother's Day....and I'm choosing worms.
The second Sunday in May is for remembering our mothers. I am working hard to re-introduce 'my girls' to their birth mom. She lives less than 2 miles from where we live. I visited with her last Sunday to take a couple of pictures of her; and to talk with her about what she'd like to see for her girls. I emailed the caseworker of the two girls (two sisters) in my home asking for permission to take their mom out for a Mother's Day lunch, with her girls.
The girls and I are going to meet with their brothers this weekend to take more pictures, so I can frame them and have them give it to their mom for Mother's Day. Their mom has had the same job for 27 months, and lived in the same home for a year now. I will be with the girls during any visits we have and I will remind their birth mom not to talk 'big people talk' with them, or to bad-mouth their dads. Other than that, it should go just fine...
A couple of weeks ago the caseworker expressed concern to me about my wanting to do this, she said 'You'll be opening a can of worms'. But, roots are more important than worms, and I can clean up the worms I release...but I won't be able to look my girls in the eyes, as the years go by, to tell them why I never encouraged them to have a relationship with their mother. So, I'm choosing the worms (if there really are any). Anyway, worms live around roots, don't they? It kinda comes with the territory!
And I can hardly wait to see them together on Mother's Day. Their mom deserves it and her (our) girls do, too.
The girls and I are going to meet with their brothers this weekend to take more pictures, so I can frame them and have them give it to their mom for Mother's Day. Their mom has had the same job for 27 months, and lived in the same home for a year now. I will be with the girls during any visits we have and I will remind their birth mom not to talk 'big people talk' with them, or to bad-mouth their dads. Other than that, it should go just fine...
A couple of weeks ago the caseworker expressed concern to me about my wanting to do this, she said 'You'll be opening a can of worms'. But, roots are more important than worms, and I can clean up the worms I release...but I won't be able to look my girls in the eyes, as the years go by, to tell them why I never encouraged them to have a relationship with their mother. So, I'm choosing the worms (if there really are any). Anyway, worms live around roots, don't they? It kinda comes with the territory!
And I can hardly wait to see them together on Mother's Day. Their mom deserves it and her (our) girls do, too.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Staying Stuck
Last Friday was 'early out' day for my 10 yr old. I asked her if she wanted to run some errands with me before her sister got home (it's always nice to spend one on one time with her). We headed out to the truck and I got in and buckled up; then she jumped into the passenger seat and buckled up. Now, I need to share a little bit of history with you. Normally, she rides in the back because the sign on my visor says 'children under 12 may be killed by airbag deployment'...or something like that. So the rule in our house is: Until your 13th b-day, you sit in the back seat. She has never tested this before today. So, I thought, 'Don't get bent out of shape over this, Nance. Just calmly remind her of the rule.' So, I did.
ME: "Dear, you need to sit in your seat, remember?"
HER: "No, I want to sit up here with you, today. PLEASE?"
ME: "Sorry, kiddo. The rule is, not till you're 13. Go on, jump in back."
HER: "Come on Nancy, PLEEEEEEASE?"
ME: "We'll just sit here in the garage, until you sit in your seat." and I turned the radio on
HER: "Fine!" (as in, 'i'm fine sitting here in the garage listening to the radio')
We sit there, we talk, we sing a few lyrics...and she asks:
HER: "So are we going, or what?"
ME: "As soon as you buckle up in the back."
HER: (pause) "Fine....(this time it's the 'Fine, I give up, I'll move to the back.')
She unbuckles from the front. I have bucket seats in the front of my truck so she begins to squish her behind through the seats into the back (remember she is only 10 and she is quite petite). She slips down between the seat and the middle console where the bottom 1/2 of her legs still lay.
HER: "I'm stuck!!!"
ME: "No, you're not, come on, now, get up."
HER: "I can't I'm stuck."
ME: "Please pull yourself up and get into your seat." (i'm starting to get pissed off)
HER: "No, really, I'm stuck, help me."
We have already wasted precious Friday afternoon minutes on this topic; and for some reason, my normally cool demeanor began to bubble up. So, I unbuckle, and I get out of the truck.
ME: "I'm not going to argue with you about this. I'm going to sit in the back and when you pull yourself out, let me know, and we'll go."
I close my door and I immediately hear her begin to wail.
HER: "Naaannncccyy?! I'm STUUUCCCKKK!" and she's crying.
I ignore her...2 minutes....5 minutes....
HER: "Naannnncccyyy!! Pllleeeaaaasssseeee, help!!!" wailing....
I ignore her...8 minutes now....and I'm thinking, "JUST PULL YOURSELF UP!"
10 minutes....and I can't wait it out any longer.
I open the front door of my truck. I don't even have time to say anything. She reaches up to hold the top of the two bucket seats and pulls herself up. I am really mad that she has wasted all of this time over where she's gonna sit in the damn truck! Playing these control games with me. And she's sobbing...trying to catch her breath, type of crying. I just don't get it.
ME: "Why did you choose to stay stuck, when you knew all along how to get out?!"
(As soon as those words came out of my mouth I was furious with myself)
HER: "I guess I just wanted you close."
Oh man...she wanted me close for support? Maybe. Why did I make this such a big deal to begin with? BECAUSE I HAVE CONTROL ISSUES!!!
Foster parenting is showing me how big of an issue that is. Now, to give myself a break, I've lived alone for about 8 years prior to my being a foster parent. And, I've NEVER been a mother before 7 months ago...and I'm 49 yrs old. So, this is a sharp learning curve for me.
So, how did this end? I sat in the back seat. We talked. I hugged her, I kissed her head and we ran our errands and the evening was fine; zero problems. But this phrase that came out of my mouth has been in the forefront of my mind ever since. I have been quite introspective about where I'm 'stuck' myself, and why am I choosing to stay there? Any thoughts?
ME: "Dear, you need to sit in your seat, remember?"
HER: "No, I want to sit up here with you, today. PLEASE?"
ME: "Sorry, kiddo. The rule is, not till you're 13. Go on, jump in back."
HER: "Come on Nancy, PLEEEEEEASE?"
ME: "We'll just sit here in the garage, until you sit in your seat." and I turned the radio on
HER: "Fine!" (as in, 'i'm fine sitting here in the garage listening to the radio')
We sit there, we talk, we sing a few lyrics...and she asks:
HER: "So are we going, or what?"
ME: "As soon as you buckle up in the back."
HER: (pause) "Fine....(this time it's the 'Fine, I give up, I'll move to the back.')
She unbuckles from the front. I have bucket seats in the front of my truck so she begins to squish her behind through the seats into the back (remember she is only 10 and she is quite petite). She slips down between the seat and the middle console where the bottom 1/2 of her legs still lay.
HER: "I'm stuck!!!"
ME: "No, you're not, come on, now, get up."
HER: "I can't I'm stuck."
ME: "Please pull yourself up and get into your seat." (i'm starting to get pissed off)
HER: "No, really, I'm stuck, help me."
We have already wasted precious Friday afternoon minutes on this topic; and for some reason, my normally cool demeanor began to bubble up. So, I unbuckle, and I get out of the truck.
ME: "I'm not going to argue with you about this. I'm going to sit in the back and when you pull yourself out, let me know, and we'll go."
I close my door and I immediately hear her begin to wail.
HER: "Naaannncccyy?! I'm STUUUCCCKKK!" and she's crying.
I ignore her...2 minutes....5 minutes....
HER: "Naannnncccyyy!! Pllleeeaaaasssseeee, help!!!" wailing....
I ignore her...8 minutes now....and I'm thinking, "JUST PULL YOURSELF UP!"
10 minutes....and I can't wait it out any longer.
I open the front door of my truck. I don't even have time to say anything. She reaches up to hold the top of the two bucket seats and pulls herself up. I am really mad that she has wasted all of this time over where she's gonna sit in the damn truck! Playing these control games with me. And she's sobbing...trying to catch her breath, type of crying. I just don't get it.
ME: "Why did you choose to stay stuck, when you knew all along how to get out?!"
(As soon as those words came out of my mouth I was furious with myself)
HER: "I guess I just wanted you close."
Oh man...she wanted me close for support? Maybe. Why did I make this such a big deal to begin with? BECAUSE I HAVE CONTROL ISSUES!!!
Foster parenting is showing me how big of an issue that is. Now, to give myself a break, I've lived alone for about 8 years prior to my being a foster parent. And, I've NEVER been a mother before 7 months ago...and I'm 49 yrs old. So, this is a sharp learning curve for me.
So, how did this end? I sat in the back seat. We talked. I hugged her, I kissed her head and we ran our errands and the evening was fine; zero problems. But this phrase that came out of my mouth has been in the forefront of my mind ever since. I have been quite introspective about where I'm 'stuck' myself, and why am I choosing to stay there? Any thoughts?
Monday, March 22, 2010
Teenage Affection
On Saturday last, my 16 yr old, for the first time in almost six months of living with me, scrunched down under my arm as we sat on the couch visiting with my parents. I could hardly believe she was allowing me to show affection to her in this way! The next day she did the same thing at church!
This young lady was the mom in her family for a number of years. She hardly ever allows herself to be a kid...and it was the first time she actually let me be a nurturing adult to her. It felt good for me, too! I thought it took a lot of courage for her to show me she was willing to sit close to me. To me she was saying: I trust you, I like you, I feel safe with you (maybe I'm reading more into it than was meant, but that's what I heard during these non-verbal conversations). What a brave survivor I have living in my home.
I learn so much from these kids....
This young lady was the mom in her family for a number of years. She hardly ever allows herself to be a kid...and it was the first time she actually let me be a nurturing adult to her. It felt good for me, too! I thought it took a lot of courage for her to show me she was willing to sit close to me. To me she was saying: I trust you, I like you, I feel safe with you (maybe I'm reading more into it than was meant, but that's what I heard during these non-verbal conversations). What a brave survivor I have living in my home.
I learn so much from these kids....
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sharing Expertise in Nancy's Pre Service Trainings
I am very grateful to the DCFS staff, the Office of Licensing staff, birth parents, adopted children and the licensed foster families who attend my classes to share their life experiences (and expertise) to our families in training. I have folks come to at least 4 classes a month to share in first person terms, what I can not. They bring depth, humor and pertinent information to all who hear their messages. Their willingness to share sometimes painful memories shows their strength of character and hopefulness of soul. Many of the staff have to flex their time to work during an evening, to come to my class, when they could be home with their families doing laundry or vegetating in front of American Idol... :)
I don't think it would offend anyone if I told you who I am specifically referring to: So, in alphabetical order, I want to publicly thank:
Rebecca, DA and Anja Anderson, foster/adoptive family
Brandy Anderson, birth parent
Kari Broderick, foster/adoptive family
Joy & Robert Brough, and their children, adoptive family
Aymee Condie, DCFS Caseworker, foster/adoptive/kinship family
Jeanne Finefeuiaki, Office of Licensing
Jessica Hannemann, UFCF Retention Specialist
Trish Jensen, RFC Supervisor at DCFS, adopted
Ami Monsen, foster/adoptive family
Jenn Quigley, Office of Licensing
Shawn & Portia Rapier, adoptive dad
John and Caycee Thill, UFCF, foster/adoptive family
Stevoni Wells-Doyle, birth parent
Christy Tucket,birth parent
It is very rewarding to work with such generous people. I know that not all areas of Utah have the unique working relationships we do in the Western Region of the state and because I'm thinking about these people today, I wanted you to know it, too.
I don't think it would offend anyone if I told you who I am specifically referring to: So, in alphabetical order, I want to publicly thank:
Rebecca, DA and Anja Anderson, foster/adoptive family
Brandy Anderson, birth parent
Kari Broderick, foster/adoptive family
Joy & Robert Brough, and their children, adoptive family
Aymee Condie, DCFS Caseworker, foster/adoptive/kinship family
Jeanne Finefeuiaki, Office of Licensing
Jessica Hannemann, UFCF Retention Specialist
Trish Jensen, RFC Supervisor at DCFS, adopted
Ami Monsen, foster/adoptive family
Jenn Quigley, Office of Licensing
Shawn & Portia Rapier, adoptive dad
John and Caycee Thill, UFCF, foster/adoptive family
Stevoni Wells-Doyle, birth parent
Christy Tucket,birth parent
It is very rewarding to work with such generous people. I know that not all areas of Utah have the unique working relationships we do in the Western Region of the state and because I'm thinking about these people today, I wanted you to know it, too.
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