Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Don't Be Afraid of Teens - Part 2 :)
The second biggest news is that I found a substitute for my Heber City class so that I could attend an inservice training at the Provo Library!
But the BIGGEST news is that my 16yr old was on a 4 person panel, at this training, talking about what it's like to be a teen in foster care and sharing her experiences being in foster care. She was brave and silly and articulate. She's my hero!
I am grateful for the Utah Foster Care Foundation for at least two things today:
ONE- they know the importance of finding families to foster teen-agers and
TWO- they arranged this opportunity for two REAL LIFE teens in foster care to show our licensed families that not all teens are trouble makers, losers, unadoptable, criminals or threats to their kids.
Both of the girls who were on the panel were honest and with different experiences and different goals.
Just like the teens in YOUR neighborhood, you'll find the gammet of interests, skills, motivation, music preferences, intelligence, friendliness, silliness, seriousness and resiliency. Why don't you look into the opportunity to move into our neighborhood, the FOSTER CARE neighborhood.
But the BIGGEST news is that my 16yr old was on a 4 person panel, at this training, talking about what it's like to be a teen in foster care and sharing her experiences being in foster care. She was brave and silly and articulate. She's my hero!
I am grateful for the Utah Foster Care Foundation for at least two things today:
ONE- they know the importance of finding families to foster teen-agers and
TWO- they arranged this opportunity for two REAL LIFE teens in foster care to show our licensed families that not all teens are trouble makers, losers, unadoptable, criminals or threats to their kids.
Both of the girls who were on the panel were honest and with different experiences and different goals.
Just like the teens in YOUR neighborhood, you'll find the gammet of interests, skills, motivation, music preferences, intelligence, friendliness, silliness, seriousness and resiliency. Why don't you look into the opportunity to move into our neighborhood, the FOSTER CARE neighborhood.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Don't Be Afraid of Teen-Agers! -- Part 1
Later this week, on Feb 28th, a special panel presentation is going to be held at the Provo Library for already licensed foster parents who don't yet take teenagers. It's called "The Impact of Fostering Older Youth"; dinner will be Panda Express for all in attendance; the cost of that is being covered by the Utah Foster Care Foundation. The objective: to recruit more families to foster teens.
So, there are three teens on the panel, at least one is currently in foster care (my 16 yr old) and a couple of foster parents who already take teenagers, will also be on the panel. In preparation for my youth to present, we drew up a timeline of life events that she would be comfortable sharing. This was a great time for me to learn a lot more about her. And she happened to be in the mood to share. I am so impressed with her survivability, her candor, and her vulnerability. We talked about her having the right to say, "I don't feel comfortable talking about that." if something is asked that she doesn't want to share. Currently, I'm scheduled to train a class in Heber City that same night and I would much rather be at the Provo Library, supporting her. Suffice it to say, I'm going to try to find a substitute trainer.
The UFCF (Utah Foster Care Foundation) is sponsoring the event. It is in answer to a desperate request from DCFS (Division of Child and Family Services) to help them recruit more foster homes who will take kids 14-18 yrs old. In Utah, more than 25% of children currently in custody are between those ages. This is a population who is often overlooked by families with young children, thinking that the older kids will hurt the younger ones. This is a population who, too often, leave state custody without a family, without a place to go 'home' to for holidays, and without emotional support during the tough days life will surely bring. This is a group of kids labeled as trouble-makers, just because of their chronological age or their 'foster' status. But they too, are the victims of abuse or neglect, which initially brought them into DCFS custody.
But, it is our job (as Utah social workers) to clarify who these kids really are. Yes, there are kids who make bad choices (truancy, smoking, shop-lifting, promiscuity), some of them are in foster care, most are not! There are kids in foster care who also make really wise choices and set good examples for younger kids and go on to higher education, stable employment, church service, military service, and healthy parenthood. So, we gather these kids to sit on a panel and say, "Look at us! We're typical teens! We're not scary! We won't hurt your children! We can program your DVD player! We can do our own laundry! Be OUR forever family!"
I'll update you on Friday, after the Thursday night panel. Look for Part 2, then.
So, there are three teens on the panel, at least one is currently in foster care (my 16 yr old) and a couple of foster parents who already take teenagers, will also be on the panel. In preparation for my youth to present, we drew up a timeline of life events that she would be comfortable sharing. This was a great time for me to learn a lot more about her. And she happened to be in the mood to share. I am so impressed with her survivability, her candor, and her vulnerability. We talked about her having the right to say, "I don't feel comfortable talking about that." if something is asked that she doesn't want to share. Currently, I'm scheduled to train a class in Heber City that same night and I would much rather be at the Provo Library, supporting her. Suffice it to say, I'm going to try to find a substitute trainer.
The UFCF (Utah Foster Care Foundation) is sponsoring the event. It is in answer to a desperate request from DCFS (Division of Child and Family Services) to help them recruit more foster homes who will take kids 14-18 yrs old. In Utah, more than 25% of children currently in custody are between those ages. This is a population who is often overlooked by families with young children, thinking that the older kids will hurt the younger ones. This is a population who, too often, leave state custody without a family, without a place to go 'home' to for holidays, and without emotional support during the tough days life will surely bring. This is a group of kids labeled as trouble-makers, just because of their chronological age or their 'foster' status. But they too, are the victims of abuse or neglect, which initially brought them into DCFS custody.
But, it is our job (as Utah social workers) to clarify who these kids really are. Yes, there are kids who make bad choices (truancy, smoking, shop-lifting, promiscuity), some of them are in foster care, most are not! There are kids in foster care who also make really wise choices and set good examples for younger kids and go on to higher education, stable employment, church service, military service, and healthy parenthood. So, we gather these kids to sit on a panel and say, "Look at us! We're typical teens! We're not scary! We won't hurt your children! We can program your DVD player! We can do our own laundry! Be OUR forever family!"
I'll update you on Friday, after the Thursday night panel. Look for Part 2, then.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
That's What It's All About!
Remember the Hokey Pokey? You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about?! You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about! It was so much fun to do that at a roller skating rink, when I was a kid and 'tween... now we play a kind of Hokey Pokey in the child welfare system...and when everyone plays nice, we all win! Cool game right?
Let me tell you what has happened recently: my littlest girl, age 7 has been home for 19 days so far, on a trial home visit with her daddy and his fiance and their other children. I'll refer to my 7 yr old as "Angel", just so I don't have to keep writing 'my 7 yr old' :)
19 days ago, dad's fiance and Angel's brother, "Angel 2",pulled up into my driveway and Angel 2 jumped out carrying a big beautiful purple flowering plant and he handed it to me as dad's fiance said, 'we just want to thank you for taking care of Angel until today'. We talked a little and loaded Angel's things into her families truck and off they drove. The plant sits on my kitchen table. I've taken a picture of it to keep forever. About 2 weeks later I received one of the nicest emails I have ever received, from dad's fiance. I want to share part of it here:
"Dear Nancy,
...Angel is doing really well. She has come so far again since she has come home. She hasn't wet the bed since the night we brought her home for good. She is no longer wearing pull ups. She is in her new school...she seems to be enjoying it a lot. She loves to ride the bus. The bus picks her up right in front of our house and she is so independent she doesn't want mom or dad to walk her out! ... It's so funny to watch her now as she will run to her dad and jump in his arms to be hugged before bed. It's such a wonderful picture to see [daddy] and her together. This was something I just didn't believe would ever happen. Thank you so much for helping in making this come true....She is truly a special spirit and I'm so grateful she is back with us. She makes everyday special with just her smile alone...Thank you again for all that you have done to bring Angel back to us. I hope and pray that we will always be friends. [dad's fiance]
Now for the Hokey Pokey part: Parents who have temporarily lost their right to parent their children for abuse, neglect or other reasons, have responsibilities to do, to show the court they've made positive changes in their life and they deserve to parent their children again. Usually, it's not more than 4-6 parenting related goals. I never even saw what this parent's goals were. We never discussed them in our Child and Family Team meetings (which are held monthly, which is AWESOME!) However, some parents call these "responsibilities" by other names/phrases: "jumping through hoops", "bureacratic red tape", "bull shit", among other things, and "the dance". I like 'the dance' best because for me it means two willing parties who both have to move...if they can move in rhythm, the dance progresses nicely, as in the case of Angel, her daddy, his fiance and I. We were able to extend hands of respect to each other (put the right foot in), share important information about Angel back and forth (put the right foot out), keep in regular contact for visits (put the right foot in), as the foster parent I concientiously sat on their side of the court room when we reviewed Angel's case (and shake it all about). We took turns transporting Angel to various appointments (you do the Hokey Pokey), and we vented about case issues we were unhappy with, with each other (and you turn yourself around), and we ultimately built a realtionship (that's what it's all about!).
I have no doubts or concerns today, that this family and I will remain friends. I have become a branch in Angel's family tree, it's a skinny, little branch, but I'm there forever! That is an exceptionally rewarding thought.
Let me tell you what has happened recently: my littlest girl, age 7 has been home for 19 days so far, on a trial home visit with her daddy and his fiance and their other children. I'll refer to my 7 yr old as "Angel", just so I don't have to keep writing 'my 7 yr old' :)
19 days ago, dad's fiance and Angel's brother, "Angel 2",pulled up into my driveway and Angel 2 jumped out carrying a big beautiful purple flowering plant and he handed it to me as dad's fiance said, 'we just want to thank you for taking care of Angel until today'. We talked a little and loaded Angel's things into her families truck and off they drove. The plant sits on my kitchen table. I've taken a picture of it to keep forever. About 2 weeks later I received one of the nicest emails I have ever received, from dad's fiance. I want to share part of it here:
"Dear Nancy,
...Angel is doing really well. She has come so far again since she has come home. She hasn't wet the bed since the night we brought her home for good. She is no longer wearing pull ups. She is in her new school...she seems to be enjoying it a lot. She loves to ride the bus. The bus picks her up right in front of our house and she is so independent she doesn't want mom or dad to walk her out! ... It's so funny to watch her now as she will run to her dad and jump in his arms to be hugged before bed. It's such a wonderful picture to see [daddy] and her together. This was something I just didn't believe would ever happen. Thank you so much for helping in making this come true....She is truly a special spirit and I'm so grateful she is back with us. She makes everyday special with just her smile alone...Thank you again for all that you have done to bring Angel back to us. I hope and pray that we will always be friends. [dad's fiance]
Now for the Hokey Pokey part: Parents who have temporarily lost their right to parent their children for abuse, neglect or other reasons, have responsibilities to do, to show the court they've made positive changes in their life and they deserve to parent their children again. Usually, it's not more than 4-6 parenting related goals. I never even saw what this parent's goals were. We never discussed them in our Child and Family Team meetings (which are held monthly, which is AWESOME!) However, some parents call these "responsibilities" by other names/phrases: "jumping through hoops", "bureacratic red tape", "bull shit", among other things, and "the dance". I like 'the dance' best because for me it means two willing parties who both have to move...if they can move in rhythm, the dance progresses nicely, as in the case of Angel, her daddy, his fiance and I. We were able to extend hands of respect to each other (put the right foot in), share important information about Angel back and forth (put the right foot out), keep in regular contact for visits (put the right foot in), as the foster parent I concientiously sat on their side of the court room when we reviewed Angel's case (and shake it all about). We took turns transporting Angel to various appointments (you do the Hokey Pokey), and we vented about case issues we were unhappy with, with each other (and you turn yourself around), and we ultimately built a realtionship (that's what it's all about!).
I have no doubts or concerns today, that this family and I will remain friends. I have become a branch in Angel's family tree, it's a skinny, little branch, but I'm there forever! That is an exceptionally rewarding thought.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Foster Care Reimbursement Going Down??
I've been around the child welfare world in Utah a pretty long time, but not as long as others. The 2010 Legislature is in session. The big talk in the child welfare system is that "they'll be voting to cut reimbursement rates this month!" Let me add, for a second year in a row. AND not only reimbursement rates, but there's an unspoken "hiring freeze" within Human Services as well. Which means caseworkers have ever-growing caseloads. (But that part of the problem is not what I am addressing in this blog, today).
I wish three or four legislatures would take the challenge of becoming a foster family. I would bet my home that those legislatures would have an incredible positive influence on the increase of services (including financial reimbursement) for this vulnerable popuation within their first year of having these kids in their home.
I called a few KENNELS across the Wasatch Front; (and I encourage you to check this out yourself)...to check on the daily rate these kennels get for caring for cats and dogs. I was blown out of the water when I heard that the ranges are $25, $30, $45 (and higher) a day while Utah foster parents get an average of $15, $17, $19 a day to care for our abused and neglected children. News articles have appeared in the past in many papers or on a number of tv news shows that inform us that reimbursement rates are going down and that Utah is already WAY BELOW many other states in this area. We are a child friendly state. We love children in Utah. We love service opportunities in Utah. BUT REALLY FOLKS??
I'm an animal lover, too. I would never abuse/neglect an animal. I believe we should protect populations who can not protect themselves (animals, disabled people, the elderly, and abused/neglected children) and I do not think we should pay LESS for the care of our animals while housed and cared for in a kennel.
I'm proposing a REIMBURSEMENT RAISE for our Utah foster families. I'm proposing that a few currently serving legislatures get licensed to be a foster family and THEN create some helpful bills to keep Utah on the cutting edge of Child Welfare services.
I want to know who the FREAKING IDIOT is who thinks foster families are making money each month as they care for thes kids. As a foster parent, I am almost paying out more each month than I am reimbursed by the state. I'm doing this because I want to be a parent and I want to reunite families if at all possible. But I am not independently wealthy enough to PAY OUT MONEY FOR HELPING FAMILIES.
We need to show families in Utah that we value them for volunteering to take in abused or neglected children; to take them to their therapy appointments, their family visits, court appointments, to deal with night terrors, rages, oppositional defiance, to balance their time with their biological or adopted children with these new foster children, and even to mentor birth parents. It's a tough job. I'm building enduring relationships. I'm learning so much about my parenting abilities. But I can not afford to PAY FOR this opportunity. Most can not afford to pay for this parenting challenge/opportunity.
DON'T CUT REIMBURSEMENT RATES. Let Utah remain a national leader in child welfare and build our reputation of having awesome family services. There must be a way. I'm offering to participate on a panel/board to find answers. USE ME!!
I wish three or four legislatures would take the challenge of becoming a foster family. I would bet my home that those legislatures would have an incredible positive influence on the increase of services (including financial reimbursement) for this vulnerable popuation within their first year of having these kids in their home.
I called a few KENNELS across the Wasatch Front; (and I encourage you to check this out yourself)...to check on the daily rate these kennels get for caring for cats and dogs. I was blown out of the water when I heard that the ranges are $25, $30, $45 (and higher) a day while Utah foster parents get an average of $15, $17, $19 a day to care for our abused and neglected children. News articles have appeared in the past in many papers or on a number of tv news shows that inform us that reimbursement rates are going down and that Utah is already WAY BELOW many other states in this area. We are a child friendly state. We love children in Utah. We love service opportunities in Utah. BUT REALLY FOLKS??
I'm an animal lover, too. I would never abuse/neglect an animal. I believe we should protect populations who can not protect themselves (animals, disabled people, the elderly, and abused/neglected children) and I do not think we should pay LESS for the care of our animals while housed and cared for in a kennel.
I'm proposing a REIMBURSEMENT RAISE for our Utah foster families. I'm proposing that a few currently serving legislatures get licensed to be a foster family and THEN create some helpful bills to keep Utah on the cutting edge of Child Welfare services.
I want to know who the FREAKING IDIOT is who thinks foster families are making money each month as they care for thes kids. As a foster parent, I am almost paying out more each month than I am reimbursed by the state. I'm doing this because I want to be a parent and I want to reunite families if at all possible. But I am not independently wealthy enough to PAY OUT MONEY FOR HELPING FAMILIES.
We need to show families in Utah that we value them for volunteering to take in abused or neglected children; to take them to their therapy appointments, their family visits, court appointments, to deal with night terrors, rages, oppositional defiance, to balance their time with their biological or adopted children with these new foster children, and even to mentor birth parents. It's a tough job. I'm building enduring relationships. I'm learning so much about my parenting abilities. But I can not afford to PAY FOR this opportunity. Most can not afford to pay for this parenting challenge/opportunity.
DON'T CUT REIMBURSEMENT RATES. Let Utah remain a national leader in child welfare and build our reputation of having awesome family services. There must be a way. I'm offering to participate on a panel/board to find answers. USE ME!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I Know, I Know - I'm Only Human, But Still....
Yesterday morning was horrible. I'm writing about it because I have to purge myself of this guilty burden; and in my prayers I've found a little space for self-forgiveness; and you have to know that foster parenting is damn hard.
Here's the scenario: I'm watching TODAY to catch up on current events and have a little bit of quiet-me-time before the day begins. I watch the clock tick time away and think 'i gotta get the girls up'. Now, when I say 'the girls', it's just the youngest two (ages 7 & 10) because the older two are gone to school already. But, there was a huge earthquake in Haiti, and I can not bring myself to move away from the news. So, i sit there. And, I sit there....now, we gotta rush.
I go downstairs and turn on their light and say, "Okay, let's go! Get up! Get dressed! We gotta move!"
Moans from under the covers...."I'm tired..." from under the covers....
So, because I selfishly relaxed and took my time to wake up and WHATEVER....now I have to rush these two kids; and one of them is going cross country skiing with her class today...and she should be happy and excited. But, I threw in a parenting control issue to top off the mad rush of the morning. So, as she's falling out of bed with her quilt wrapped around her, I say "Wear one of these turtle neck shirts to go skiing." and the whining begins.... "I don't wanna wear that." and I pull that parent-control-thingy out and I say, "You will wear a turtle neck shirt or you won't go and you can go to work with me, instead." (As soon as I said it, I thought, "Really Nancy, let her pick out her own clothes! NO! I argued with myself in split second time...She has to dress for the activity or she'll be miserable.) and the war was now in full swing.
Now the littlest one has decided that she is not going to get dressed at all. She is standing in the room stark naked screaming "I'm cold!" and I say 'Put on some clothes", and she just screams "I'm cold!" Okay, my frustration cup is over-flowing. I opened her underwear drawer, pulled out some panties, an undershirt and a pair of socks and i threw them at her...and I said, "Put these on." and she screamed "OW! You hurt me!".... The ten year old is whining "Please Nancy, don't make me wear that! PLEASE!" And she starts to cry. I walk out and upstairs. I'm furious that THEY are doing this to me!! (but today, I know it was not done 'to me'....)
So, I hear them both screaming and crying and I hear the door being slammed and I don't dare go back down there. I breathe. I sit in a chair in my bedroom with my head in my hands and I offer up a prayer: "Help me, Lord. Help me calm down. Help me let go of things that don't matter." Someone runs up the stairs...the ten yr old who is going skiing today.
"Nancy PLEASE don't make me wear a turtle neck, they don't match my pants!" I couldn't even look up, all I said was, "I'm praying." and she stomps out saying, "why are you being such a jerk?!" Well, that hit the nail right on the head. I was being a jerk. I stayed there and breathed deeply in and out for about a miinute or so. I hear drawers slamming, I hear the girls arguing.
We are gonna be late for school and i am now past the point of caring. I just want them to emotionally chill out so they can go to school and learn and not act out for their teachers. And I want my little skiier to have fun with her class. I made cookies last night for her to take and share with the kids on her bus; and they turned out FABULOUS (Lehi Roller Mills Choc Chip!). I'm ruining the mood for her fun day. I'm so disappointed in myself.
Back and forth for 5-10 min I hear, "I don't wanna wear this!" and I say "Then you can go to work with me today." and she says "I don't wanna go to work with you!" and I say "Then you'll wear a turtleneck." .... "NNnnoooooooO!" and i say 'yes'. What is going on with me? I don't have PMS....because I don't have a uterus or ovaries anymore, so what the hell?
Somehow we make it into the truck and I drive the ten yr old to school first today (she put on a turtleneck) so she won't be late. When we pull up, I get out and go around to her side; I think she knew what I wanted to do and she opened her arms for a hug. I grab her hard and kiss her forehead and tell her I love her and I'm sorry we had a hard morning. I whispered to her to have a great time skiing and I'm so sorry I was bad this morning. I kissed her again and off she went. One down, one to go.
As we drove to the next school, I apologized to my 7 yr old. I said, "I'm so sorry I threw your underwear at you. I will never do that again. Will you forgive me? " and she softly said, "yes". And I replied, "thank you, hon-" . She too got a big hug and a kiss when she got out of the truck. They both seemed okay as they went into their schools.
I was able to vent a little, and repent a little, with my friend John at work. He reassured me that I'm human and it's okay. But still....
LATER THAT DAY: When I picked up my ten yr old at 3:15 I couldn't wait to hear about her ski trip. She said, 'everyone loved the cookies and they asked me if I made them and I said, 'no, my mom did.' (short pause) Is it okay if I call you 'mom'?"
Thank you, Lord. me
Here's the scenario: I'm watching TODAY to catch up on current events and have a little bit of quiet-me-time before the day begins. I watch the clock tick time away and think 'i gotta get the girls up'. Now, when I say 'the girls', it's just the youngest two (ages 7 & 10) because the older two are gone to school already. But, there was a huge earthquake in Haiti, and I can not bring myself to move away from the news. So, i sit there. And, I sit there....now, we gotta rush.
I go downstairs and turn on their light and say, "Okay, let's go! Get up! Get dressed! We gotta move!"
Moans from under the covers...."I'm tired..." from under the covers....
So, because I selfishly relaxed and took my time to wake up and WHATEVER....now I have to rush these two kids; and one of them is going cross country skiing with her class today...and she should be happy and excited. But, I threw in a parenting control issue to top off the mad rush of the morning. So, as she's falling out of bed with her quilt wrapped around her, I say "Wear one of these turtle neck shirts to go skiing." and the whining begins.... "I don't wanna wear that." and I pull that parent-control-thingy out and I say, "You will wear a turtle neck shirt or you won't go and you can go to work with me, instead." (As soon as I said it, I thought, "Really Nancy, let her pick out her own clothes! NO! I argued with myself in split second time...She has to dress for the activity or she'll be miserable.) and the war was now in full swing.
Now the littlest one has decided that she is not going to get dressed at all. She is standing in the room stark naked screaming "I'm cold!" and I say 'Put on some clothes", and she just screams "I'm cold!" Okay, my frustration cup is over-flowing. I opened her underwear drawer, pulled out some panties, an undershirt and a pair of socks and i threw them at her...and I said, "Put these on." and she screamed "OW! You hurt me!".... The ten year old is whining "Please Nancy, don't make me wear that! PLEASE!" And she starts to cry. I walk out and upstairs. I'm furious that THEY are doing this to me!! (but today, I know it was not done 'to me'....)
So, I hear them both screaming and crying and I hear the door being slammed and I don't dare go back down there. I breathe. I sit in a chair in my bedroom with my head in my hands and I offer up a prayer: "Help me, Lord. Help me calm down. Help me let go of things that don't matter." Someone runs up the stairs...the ten yr old who is going skiing today.
"Nancy PLEASE don't make me wear a turtle neck, they don't match my pants!" I couldn't even look up, all I said was, "I'm praying." and she stomps out saying, "why are you being such a jerk?!" Well, that hit the nail right on the head. I was being a jerk. I stayed there and breathed deeply in and out for about a miinute or so. I hear drawers slamming, I hear the girls arguing.
We are gonna be late for school and i am now past the point of caring. I just want them to emotionally chill out so they can go to school and learn and not act out for their teachers. And I want my little skiier to have fun with her class. I made cookies last night for her to take and share with the kids on her bus; and they turned out FABULOUS (Lehi Roller Mills Choc Chip!). I'm ruining the mood for her fun day. I'm so disappointed in myself.
Back and forth for 5-10 min I hear, "I don't wanna wear this!" and I say "Then you can go to work with me today." and she says "I don't wanna go to work with you!" and I say "Then you'll wear a turtleneck." .... "NNnnoooooooO!" and i say 'yes'. What is going on with me? I don't have PMS....because I don't have a uterus or ovaries anymore, so what the hell?
Somehow we make it into the truck and I drive the ten yr old to school first today (she put on a turtleneck) so she won't be late. When we pull up, I get out and go around to her side; I think she knew what I wanted to do and she opened her arms for a hug. I grab her hard and kiss her forehead and tell her I love her and I'm sorry we had a hard morning. I whispered to her to have a great time skiing and I'm so sorry I was bad this morning. I kissed her again and off she went. One down, one to go.
As we drove to the next school, I apologized to my 7 yr old. I said, "I'm so sorry I threw your underwear at you. I will never do that again. Will you forgive me? " and she softly said, "yes". And I replied, "thank you, hon-" . She too got a big hug and a kiss when she got out of the truck. They both seemed okay as they went into their schools.
I was able to vent a little, and repent a little, with my friend John at work. He reassured me that I'm human and it's okay. But still....
LATER THAT DAY: When I picked up my ten yr old at 3:15 I couldn't wait to hear about her ski trip. She said, 'everyone loved the cookies and they asked me if I made them and I said, 'no, my mom did.' (short pause) Is it okay if I call you 'mom'?"
Thank you, Lord. me
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I'm Ready To Cry
The past couple of weeks have brought about much change in my home, my head and the blood pumping organ in my chest. I have been working with my 7 yr olds' daddy to reunite her with him and it's getting close. But the neat thing is: since she's been having more frequent and longer visits her poor behaviors have almost diminished and her rages have subsided, her self destructiveness has disappeared and her affection has increased ten fold! She is hugging me more, she wants piggy back rides, she puts her hand on my leg when we sit close on the couch and just this afternoon she gave me three quick kisses on my cheek while we were visiting with her therapist.
I know I'm sometimes too much of an optimist, but I am so proud of the father, the child welfare system and the specific worker who is assigned to manage this case because we are beginning weekend visits this week! She will be picked up on Friday around 3p and returned Sunday evening. That's the last step before a 'trial home visit', which usually lasts 30 days and then the foster care portion will be complete. Hopefully, we will never again see this awesome survivor in 'the system' again. She'll have her forever family and I'll have my first child achieve permanency.
This little girl told her therapist today that she is tired of bouncing around from one house to another. She wants to live with her daddy forever and just visit me. I thought I was gonna cry. I am so proud that I've been a small branch in her family tree...that maybe I have encouraged that familial relationship to maintain it's strength...and that I have not been part of any type of sabotage to hurt the parent/child relationship. I, after all, am not in this position of being a foster parent to adopt...I am here to reunite if at all possible; and if not, then I want to help a child find a permanent home, a forever family.
My relationship with all four girls in my home continues to improve. If you know (or if I've said it in a previous blog entry), I can not have children of my own and I really wanted to have the parenting experience while I was still young enough and energetic enough...okay, and optimistic enough :) But I had no freaking idea what I was in for. So, when I say 'I'm ready to cry'...it's happy tears. I am beginning to feel the pang of separation and that means I have learned to attach to a child and to be less self-centered, and those things are all good.
I know I'm sometimes too much of an optimist, but I am so proud of the father, the child welfare system and the specific worker who is assigned to manage this case because we are beginning weekend visits this week! She will be picked up on Friday around 3p and returned Sunday evening. That's the last step before a 'trial home visit', which usually lasts 30 days and then the foster care portion will be complete. Hopefully, we will never again see this awesome survivor in 'the system' again. She'll have her forever family and I'll have my first child achieve permanency.
This little girl told her therapist today that she is tired of bouncing around from one house to another. She wants to live with her daddy forever and just visit me. I thought I was gonna cry. I am so proud that I've been a small branch in her family tree...that maybe I have encouraged that familial relationship to maintain it's strength...and that I have not been part of any type of sabotage to hurt the parent/child relationship. I, after all, am not in this position of being a foster parent to adopt...I am here to reunite if at all possible; and if not, then I want to help a child find a permanent home, a forever family.
My relationship with all four girls in my home continues to improve. If you know (or if I've said it in a previous blog entry), I can not have children of my own and I really wanted to have the parenting experience while I was still young enough and energetic enough...okay, and optimistic enough :) But I had no freaking idea what I was in for. So, when I say 'I'm ready to cry'...it's happy tears. I am beginning to feel the pang of separation and that means I have learned to attach to a child and to be less self-centered, and those things are all good.
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